B is for Boundaries ✋
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#WednesdayWisdom
"I love myself when I am laughing. . . and then again when I am looking mean and impressive." — Zora Neale Hurston
Morning Musings
Welcome back, friends, and happy New Year! I hope your 2020 is off to a great start and you were able to enjoy some time off over the holidays. I spent some much needed quality times with my family, friends and myself over the break (and may or may not have binge-watched the latest season of RHOA -- don't @ me).
I also spent some time reflecting on my 2020 goals (some of which were informed by your feedback in the newsletter survey -- thank you again for participating!). This was the first time I can recall during my career that I took two whole weeks off. Granted, our offices were closed Dec. 24-Jan. 1, but I'm grateful I had the foresight to gift myself those extra few days to make it a two-week vacation. It was simply delightful.
During that time, I did a lot of discerning as well. As I mentioned in a previous newsletter, I'd recently completed my 2020 vision board in November -- and expressed frustration that I wasn't able to find a picture of a young Black family in any of the magazines.
It was then that I heard what can only be described as the voice of God, a nudge to leave the "family" space on my board empty -- to make (and hold) space, if you will. If you've been following me for the last year or so, you know that my husband and I have experienced some infertility issues (who knew your Fallopian tubes could be blocked? Certainly not us!).
But I also know God wouldn't put the dream of becoming a mom on my heart if it weren't going to be made true. So family is my number-one priority this year. And in order to hold space for our eventual bundle of joy, I need to first make space my implementing and maintaining boundaries, which brings me to my word of the year: "no."
No, thank you.
No, I'm good.
No, I can't do that.
No. Period.
In order to preserve my sanity, accomplish my goals, and prioritize the people who mean the most to me, I have to learn to say no. It will not be easy. My default setting as a recovering people-person is "yes." But I am setting some hard and fast rules for myself to start: No Sunday events or speaking engagements. I'm hereby declaring Sundays #ChurchAndChill. And more coffee dates. #SorryNotSorry
I'm sure I'll think of others (I'm framing them as Rules of Engagement), but I like to think of this as my "Year of No" (shout-out to Shonda!). If, like me, you also struggle with saying this two-letter word, here are a few resources I've found helpful:
Here's to saying no more (and without apology in 2020)!
Love,
L'Oreal
P.s. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who took the newsletter survey! I appreciate your feedback, encouragement and support more than you know. And congrats to the lucky Starbucks gift card winner, J. Patterson!
On the Blog
This one is an oldie, but goodie, but fitting for this time of year. Roughly three years ago, my amazing sister-in-law gifted me with an Ink + Volt planner. I'd been searching high and low for the "perfect" planner for months and she nailed it. I haven't looked back since!
I like the probing questions they include at the beginning of the year and at the start of each week to help you reflect on your goals. There's also a section to break down your goals for the year into weekly goals, and a monthly challenge that encourages you to build healthy habits. My January challenge is to work out every day -- one week in and I'm doing well (check on me next week). Learn more about why Ink + Volt is my favorite planner on the blog.
Links I Love
1. 8 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself in 2020. At my day job, we talk frequently about extending each other grace. But, if I'm being honest, it's not something I do to myself often. This is the year that changes.
2. Your Bedroom is Too Hot. If you've ever played thermometer wars with your significant other or roommate, then you need to read this.
3. The ZORA Canon. It's no secret that American Lit classes are dominated by old white men. Add some diversity to your home library with this list of the 100 greatest books written by African-American women.
4. 10 Black Women Writers You Should Read Right Now. As an extension of the canon, the editors at ZORA asked for my recommendation on who's got next. Check out the list to see my picks.
5. Why Negotiation Matters. I know a few of you are interviewing and will be changing jobs this year. My biggest pro-tip? Ask for more money. Emilie Aeries of Bossed Up teaches you how.
Pitch Clinic (Free Webinar Alert!)
There's no perfect science when it comes to pitching editors, but this free webinar will come close. Join me on Wednesday, Jan. 22 at 6 p.m. CT as I share the tricks and tips I've honed throughout my 12-year editorial career as both an editor and writer. Attendees will receive:
real-life examples of successful pitches
template for editorial pitches
spreadsheet to track pitches
sample editorial calendar
One lucky participant will win a complimentary pitch critique and a copy of First Draft: A Beginner's Guide to Freelance Digital Editorial Writing. Must be present to win. Register today.
What I'm Reading
If the survey results are any indication, y'all want to learn more about which books I'm reading so ... here's the first read of 2020, which is actually a re-read.
I first read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert when I was feeling a bit down in the dumps about the book proposal I was writing for my forthcoming book about overcoming impostor syndrome. Idk what's more ironic than trying to write a book about impostor syndrome while grappling with it hardcore yourself, but here we are.
Anywho, this book pulled me through. And I think I'll make it an annual tradition because I can always use the reminder to tap into, nurture and cultivate my creativity. If you've been struggling with any creative pursuit -- it doesn't have to be writing -- I guarantee this book will light a fire under you.
P.s. Many of you have mentioned interest in an LT in the City book club! If that's something you'd like to see in 2020, let me know!
P.p.s. I'm also participating in Mrs. Darcy Reading Challenge (thanks to my fellow book lover friend, Heather), join me/us?
My Latest Obsession
If you're new around these parts, I'd like to introduce you to my 23-year-long obsession with the one, the only Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. Yes, my love for Queen Bey goes back to her Destiny's Child days. So you can imagine my delight when I learned WBEZ was producing "Making Beyoncé."
The podcast series has told the stories of Chicago legends, Oprah and Obama, so I was a little intrigued that they veered from hometown heroes. Unlike the other two seasons, the subject, Her Royal Highness, does not make an appearance and it's about 75 percent Mathew Knowles, Beyoncé's dad and former manager, trying to make himself out to be the good guy.
In any case, if you, like me, are a card-carrying member of the BeyHive, then stop what you're doing and download this three-part series now so we can discuss later.
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