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#WednesdayWisdom
"I deserve to see myself in the same warm glow that I see others. My light is abundant. My joy is important. I deserve to take up space." — Alex Elle
Morning Musings
As a natural-born planner, I have my New Year goals lined up well before the calendar hits Jan. 1. What I didn't account for, however, was a transformational session with my therapist on Dec. 29.
With way more ease than one should have before wrecking your life (for the better, to be fair), my therapist asked a poignant question: "What would it look like for you to detach yourself from the outcome of your goal and focus more on how you want to feel, or the intention behind the goal?"
Surely, my Zoom connection must've cut out because there's no way I heard her correctly. What do you mean focus on my feelings? Why would I ever want to do that?, I thought.
"I literally have no idea," I finally stammered. "I'm pretty sure my brain just short-circuited. You're asking me to undo, unlearn 33 years of perfectionism and achieving."
But never one to bail on homework, I immediately got to work after our session ripping up my list of goals and reworking them to be more intentional.
So instead of "sign a book deal," I rewrote it as "write a book that will inspire countless people to trust their dopeness."
Instead of "write for two new publications," I wrote "tell stories that encourage and elevate Black women and girls."
Instead of "grow my followers and subscribers my X number," I wrote "show up consistently and authentically for my community."
You get the point. By taking power away from the outcome, I'm freeing myself up to enjoy the process. This is similar to that saying about how it's not the destination, but the journey that matters. And, as a recovering perfectionist, I've found this is helping to take some of the pressure off to be, well, perfect.
I'm not gonna lie, I still get a dopamine hit crossing items off my to-do list. And I've still quantified some goals (I'm coming after that 500 cycling classes badge on Peloton). But maybe, just maybe, I'll learn to enjoy the ride (pun intended) along the way.
Best,
L'Oreal
ICYMI
Early on in our infertility journey, I (along with Jeff's blessing) made the decision to be as transparent as possible in an effort to erase some of the stigma surrounding the topic. It's a mission Ali Prato, founder of the Infertile AF podcast, shares so I was happy to join her as a guest late last year. You can check out my interview here!
Upcoming Events
Feb. 5 (Rescheduled from Jan. 15): Unapologetic Reset. Join me and my girl Rachel Symone Gilliam for Unapologetic Reset, a virtual retreat featuring more than 30 wellness sessions. Use the promo code LOREAL10 for $10 off your ticket.
Feb. 27: How to Land a Literary Agent. I'm hosting a masterclass for Permission to Write, an online community for Black writers and writers of color, all about the process of finding, vetting and signing with a literary agent.
Links I Love
1. How I Take Care: Author and Self-Care Advocate Alex Elle (Shine)
2. Instead of a 'New You,' Reconnect With Your OG Self (ZORA)
3. American Amnesia (The Cut)
My Latest Obsession
My book club boos and I often joke that we're three different versions of the same millennial stereotype (aka when one person recommends something, the other two usually rush to scoop it up, too). Which is how I ended up trying Billie's Wonder Wipes (thank you, Sierra).
You know those nights when you're too tired to properly wash your face like you know you should? These wipes do the trick. I put these babies to the test at 3 a.m. after NYE and they passed with flying colors.
Plus, there's vitamin C and hyaluronic acid (you know, that ingredient Eva Longoria mentions in those L'Oreal ads?), so it's packed with extra goodies for your face AND they're biodegradable. What's not to love?
Now Hiring
Tech Producer/Editor for YR Media
Senior Director of Marketing + Communications for OneGoal
Staff Writer for Boston magazine
Digital Engagement Manager for Feed the Truth
Director of Environmental Policy for the Metropolitan Planning Council
Digital Communications Specialist for AFSCME
Staff Product Manager for Etsy
Assistant Audience Engagement Editor for the Chicago Sun-Times
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