It Takes a Village to Raise a Mama
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#WednesdayWisdom
"Your energy field does not deserve everything you expose it to, or everything that seeks to get its attention. Stay mindful." — Lalah Delia
Morning Musings
Lately I haven't been feeling like myself. Generally speaking, I'm a pretty optimistic, cheerful kinda gal and in recent weeks I've been meh. I've been sleeping in later than usual, crying ALL the time, taking way longer to complete mundane tasks and slowly losing interest in the things I once loved.
I started to wonder if it was the pandemic, pregnancy, our recent move, all of the above and/or perhaps something bigger? I'd never experienced depression before, but decided to look further into it.
After a quick assessment that put me at mild-to-moderate depression, I googled "depression during pregnancy" is indeed a thing and people who experienced infertility are at a higher risk. In fact, research suggests that 7 percent of people experience depression during pregnancy. Well, isn't that just dandy.
Naturally, my Type-A tendencies kicked in and put together a plan of action:
increase my therapy appointments from monthly to biweekly
download the Expectful app (more on that in the My Latest Obsession section)
join Fertility Rally's support group for pregnancy after infertility
I attended the support group Monday night and immediately felt a sigh of relief. Here was a group of women who "get it." Who understand the PTSD after experiencing multiple failed IVF cycles (like we did) and/or recurrent pregnancy loss. Women who understood the pressure to appear joyful and grateful at all times because, after all, we'd spent so much time, energy and not to mention money to get to this point.
And having been so transparent about our infertility journey, I feel an added layer of pressure to be a "positive" success story. An added pressure I undoubtedly placed on myself, but I realized I'd be doing y'all and the infertility community a huge disservice if I wasn't honest about how I've been really feeling. Pregnancy is hard. Pregnancy after infertility and loss is even harder.
As the group leader, Regina Townsend of Broken Brown Egg, so gently reminded us, "The world expects us to act like 'normal' pregnant people, but there's nothing 'normal' about any of this.'"
So, as always, I'm learning to extend myself grace and compassion. As a recent Infertile AF podcast guest said, "Just because you prayed for this and you wanted this doesn't mean you have to be excited about it 24/7. You can struggle through it, too."
And, my friends, I'm struggling, but I'm getting better slowly but surely. One day, one hour, one moment at a time. After all, it takes a village to raise a mama as well.
Love,
L'Oreal
ICYMI
In my latest blog post (remember those?), I shared my trajectory from freelance writing as a side-hustle to a full-time career.
And I had a candid conversation with author Nichole Perkins about her latest book, Sometimes I Trip on How Happy We Could Be, which covers sex, feminism and pop culture. Check it out in Shondaland.
Upcoming Events
Sept. 15: LT in the City Fall Book Club. For our next book club meeting we'll be reading Elayne Fluker's Get Over "I Got It" and we'll be joined by the author herself! Register today.
Links I Love
1. Leave Fat Black Women The F*ck Alone (Refinery 29)
2. Megan Thee Stallion On Protecting Her Personal Space (Essence)
3. She Is Staying In Afghanistan To Ensure Women's Gains Aren't Lost Under Taliban Rule (NPR)
My Latest Obsession
I first heard of Expectful, a fertility, pregnancy and parenting app, after one of my favorite editors left to run their social. At first, I was like I have my trusty Insight Timer app, I don't need this. But after feeling ALL the feels, I knew I needed to call in reinforcements. And I'm so glad I did.
From the meditations to the virtual support groups and events, like live meditation and prenatal fitness classes, I am in love. I even paid for an annual subscription (that's how you know it's real). If you're interested in a free 21-day guest pass, click here (you won't regret it).
Now Hiring
Head of Communications for Bloom Works
Senior Associate, Conference Communications for Women Deliver
Communications Associate for Black Futures Lab
Content Creator for Bravely Go
Staff Writer for Lifehacker
Foundation and Corporate Relations Manager for the National Museum of Mexican Art
Manager, Social Media for Peer Health Exchange
Policy and Campaign Manager for MADRE
Thank You!
Much love and many thanks to Steph, Amanda, Zenell, Alice and Drew for buying this week's coffee. I appreciate your support and encouragement!
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