Violet Imani Payton: A Birth Story
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Morning Musings
She's here! Violet Imani Payton made her grand entrance into the world on Friday, October 15 at 8:57 a.m. (to the tune of Beyoncé no less--more on that later).
As I previously shared, we had a scheduled C-section at 37 weeks due to a myomectomy back in 2017 to remove nearly 20 fibroids. While the Type A planner in me found immense satisfaction in having a specific date and time to arrive at the hospital and meet our little one after nine months of anticipation (or years if you include the time it took to get to this point), I was also sort of dreading it.
The entire week leading up to the delivery I felt a tremendous sense of panic. As I described to my therapist, it felt like I was standing in the path of an oncoming train and there was nothing I could do about it. This baby was arriving on October 15 whether or not I was ready (spoiler: I wasn't ready).
The night before delivery felt like the calm before the storm. After all, there wasn't any more preparing we could do. The nursery was as finished as it was going to be. I'd read all the books that I could (side note: why are the pregnancy/parenting books the size of textbooks? This is the epitome of "ain't nobody got time for that!). All that was left was to wait and attempt to sleep knowing we had to wake up at 3:30 the next morning.
Our families saw us off that morning and the ride to the hospital was dark and quiet. The gravity of our lives forever changing in just a few hours hanging in the air.
Once our doula arrived, we did some aromatherapy, I put on an eye pillow and listened to the Cesarean Birth Mantra meditation on Expectful in attempt to calm my mind. Then we waited and waited as a plethora of nurses and doctors came in to take vitals, ask questions, explain what was happening next, etc. And then it was go time.
I was wheeled into the operating room for prep while Jeff waited outside. There were about a dozen people in there, each assigned a different task. It took a few attempts to get the spinal block just right, but once everything was in place I didn't feel any pain.
Afterward, our doctor came in with our bluetooth speaker (I'd asked beforehand if we'd be able to play Beyoncé, specifically The Lion King: The Gift [Deluxe Edition] and our doctor wholeheartedly supported my preference exclaiming that every baby should be born to Bey). As "Bigger" began playing, our doctor and her team began operating. I have to say, listening to Beyoncé's voice waft through the air immediately put me at ease and once Jeff was allowed to come in, I was good to go.
About 30 minutes in, our baby girl was born as "Brown Skin Girl" played in the background. Yup, this is definitely my child. In that moment, I felt three distinct emotions:
1) Relief. There was a good amount of jostling in an effort to get baby girl out and, although I was numb from the chest down, I could still feel the movement. Once they lifted her up, I felt a huge wave of both physical and emotional relief, which brings me to point #2...
2) Surprise. Because nothing's left to chance when it comes to IVF, we opted not to know the sex of the baby. But from the moment I saw a picture of our embryo, I just knew we were having a boy. So much so that I convinced myself it was boy or bust (despite my heart's secret desire to have a mini-me). Well, I was wrong and very pleasantly surprised.
3) Concern. In nearly every TV and movie scene depicting birth, the baby is crying very loudly. When I didn't initially hear those same cries coming from Violet, I felt my heart stopped. The pediatrician assured us this was normal for babies born pre-term, but I was still worried. After a brief stint in the NICU to get her oxygen levels back up (followed by an extended hospital stay to treat her jaundice), we were free to go home with a whole baby.
The whole experience still feels surreal and I can't believe we're responsible for this tiny human. Eeek! The last couple of weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster with a ton of ups and down (and a bit more downs, if we're being honest), but throughout it all I'm grateful. She's here. We're here. And we're taking it one day, one moment at a time.
Love,
L'Oreal
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