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Mar 09, 2022

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#WednesdayWisdom

"It's become increasingly important for me to stand in what I deserve. To know that I deserve every opportunity that comes to me. That I deserve support. That I deserve to experience longstanding joy & receive blessings that surprise me. Good things, whole things. I'm worthy of it all." — @yagirlaley

Morning Musings

By now you've probably seen or heard the following quote: "Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them." I've used it as an Instagram caption a time or two myself, but yesterday, on International Women's Day, I thought about it a bit differently.

Truthfully, I've probably thought about this quote at least once a week since birthing our daughter last fall. "Here's to strong women ..." I definitely know them. Hell, I was raised by them. And I've definitely become one over time -- society practically dictates you must as a Black woman. But do I want to raise one?

In an email conversation with one of my aunts last week, I wrote about the "strong Black woman" trope is damaging. I certainly understand having to be strong as a means of survival and I'm in no way judging my ancestors for doing what they had to do. And I'm also fortunate now to be in a position to do things differently, so I'm choosing instead to be soft.

Being soft does not make you weak. Crying does not make you weak. Asking for help (and seeking professional help when necessary) does not make you weak.

I'm no longer interested in being a strong Black woman. I'm hanging up that cape. Sure, it's gotten me where I am today, but at what mental and emotional costs? I want to show my daughter that it's okay to cry. It's okay not to have all the answers. It's okay to be soft ... even in, especially in, a world that holds Black women and girls to impossible standards. I want her to feel safe enough to be herself at all times, vulnerability and all.

So here's to soft women. May be know them. May we be them. May we raise them. It's about time.

Love,
L'Oreal

ICYMI

In my latest for Well + Good, I interviewed Nathalie Walton, cofounder and CEO of Expectful, a a holistic care platform for people who are pregnant, postpartum, or trying to conceive. We talk about the Black maternal mortality rate and why mental health matters just as much as physical health before, during and after pregnancy.

Also, Llast month I had the honor of moderating a panel for Women Unite! Chicago about the disparities in giving and fund distribution between Black- and white-led organizations. Be sure to check out the conversation here and follow the organizations on social.

Links I Love

1. Twitter and Tone Collapse in a Time of War (Vanity Fair)

2. Author Morgan Harper Nichols Says Healing, Rest, and Play a Practice of Black Resistance (Kindred)

3. When Black Excellence Isn't Enough (Harper's Bazaar)

My Latest Obsession

One of my favorite shows to binge watch in 2020 was Netflix's Love Is Blind, so I was excited to hear the new season was filmed in Chicago. I'm only on the third episode, but have been keeping up with the ~drama~ on Twitter. I'm a sucker for rom-coms and reality TV, what can I say?Bonus: Check out this Refinery 29 piece on dating as a woman of color.

Now Hiring

Executive Director, Center for Journalism & Democracy for Howard University
Associate Director of Communications for Chicken & Egg Pictures
Digital Content Specialist for For The People
Engagement Director for THE CITY
Story Editor for The New Yorker
Director of Digital Fundraising for The Innocence Project
Communications Manager for Freedom, Inc.
Reporter for Honolulu Civil Beat

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