Subscribe to LT in the City Weekly
Spread the love, forward to a friend!
View this email in your browser

#WednesdayWisdom
"Don't rely on perfection for your peace." — @ashleysimpo
Morning Musings
Recently I turned down two professional opportunities that, while exciting, didn't exactly align with where I am right now and what I want. Instead of shooting off a quick "thanks, but no thanks" note and getting back to business, I spent the majority of my day and all of my mental energy wondering how to perfectly word my response so as not to a) burn bridges and b) make the other person hate me.
I realize the latter is an illogical response; however, as a lifelong people-pleaser I'm hardwired to do exactly that. Just ask my friends Sierra and Heather who patiently and graciously read, edit and sign off on said responses on a regular basis. To their credit, they're always telling me to shorten my emails and spend less time worrying what other people think of me.
This week, after spending half the day trying to figure out how to politely decline another opportunity, I realized I hate disappointing other people more than I hate disappointing myself. This, my friends, is a problem.
And then I saw this quote in a recent #blkcreatives' newsletter: “You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” Well, damn.
I've always been willing to go the extra mile, to bend over backward, to squeeze in requests other people make on my time and energy. I can't say that stops now because, much like my perfectionism, my people-pleasing tendencies won't stop overnight. But I'm more aware and that counts for something.
For what it's worth, in nearly every instance I've had to say "no" to someone and feared the worst (omg, they'll hate me foreverrr), that has NOT been the case. Probably because most humans (at least the ones in my orbit and furthermore, the ones I want in my orbit) are rational and understanding.
I've also started looking at saying "no" as a gift. By declining the job opportunity when I know it's not for me, I free up the hiring manager to find another candidate. By saying no to a freelance assignment I can't really squeeze in at the moment and providing a list of other Black women writers, I help the editor find someone who can do the story justice AND I help someone else secure the bag. A win-win-win.
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It bears repeating. So brb while I tattoo this to my forehead...
Love,
L'Oreal
ICYMI
In my latest for Publishers Weekly, I had the pleasure of interviewing author and Washington Post journalist Helena Andrews-Dyer about her new memoir, The Mamas. Trust me, you're going to want to read this one, especially if you're a parent.
And in case you missed my "Words with Wine" convo with Chasity Cooper and Ashley Coleman Thomas, two weeks ago you can check out the replay here.
Links I Love
1. How Black Joy Helps Me and My People Hold Our Collective Grief (Everyday Health)
2. When You Can't Find the Words (I Have Notes)
3. Your State Will Not Save You (Culture Study)
4. Birth Control Access Is Also About Mental Health (DAME magazine)
5. The Best Wine Bars in Chicago (Wine With Chas)
Classifieds
It's time to change the way you get news. 🤳🏾Settle in every Thursday & read Notedd's curated weekly newsletter. We help Black women stay connected & give them a simpler way of staying informed on the topics that matter most to us. #StayNotedd and join the #NoteddTribe today!
Want to promote your small business or upcoming event? Learn more about classified ads.
My Latest Obsession

This song is the only thing keeping me going most days, especially after last week's news. A summer 2022 anthem? Me thinks yes.
Now Hiring
Managing Director of Campaigns for UltraViolet
Editorial Fellow for Roxane Gay Books/Grove Atlantic
Political Reporter for The 19th
Program Manager for Pillars Fund
Media Relations Coordinator for Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago
Account Manager for Motherly
Digital Coordinator for If/When/How: Lawyering for Reproductive Justice
Social Media Digital Content Creator for PATTERN
Support This Newsletter
Special thank you to Jessica A. for buying last week's coffee. Want to help fuel this newsletter and support my work? Click the button below!
Psst...did a friend forward you this newsletter? Subscribe here so you never miss an issue! Liked what you read? Be sure to follow using the buttons below.