a tale of two critiques
aka a lesson on remembering who the f*ck you are
#WednesdayWisdom
“You are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Unclench your jaw. Release your fingers. Stay present.” ~ Scottie Beam
Morning Musings
In the prolific words of Erykah Badu, “Now, keep in mind that I'm an artist. And I'm sensitive about my shit.” Although two decades of working in a newsroom has certainly done wonders to toughen my skin, every now and then I still get a little razzled by negative feedback. Last week was such an instance.
Working with new-to-me editors and writing for new-to-me outlets is always a bit anxiety inducing. I don’t yet know they’re style or exactly what they’re looking for. It’s enough to make me second guess myself—repeatedly.
But thankfully the first editor I heard back from was positive:
“Very nice work on this. Like — and definitely appreciate — your clean, clear writing style. Sending back with a few minor edits and comments.”
And after I addressed her edits, she sent this:
“Again, a well-written and reported piece. You don’t know how much I appreciate that.”
I was definitely riding high. But the second editor? Not so much. She demanded a full rewrite, which has NEVER happened before in my 20-year career. Now I’m not saying I’m above reproach or criticism. In fact, some of my favorite editors have given me some of the best criticism. And I’m a major proponent that a good editor will make your words SING and I’ve been fortunate enough to work with several great editors throughout my career (they know who they are).
But this rewrite really rocked my confidence. So much so that I took to Twitter to seek some support and encouragement from other writers on how they bounce back from negative feedback.
(aka MediumSizeMeech on Twitter) had the best response:“Realize it’s not about you. Everyone else is wrong. You’re a writer, you’ve BEEN a writer and you’re always gonna BE a writer and just because you and an editor had a bit of miscommunication doesn’t make you any less of a writer.”
And yes, I definitely read that last part in Megan Thee Stallion’s voice (IYKYK).
A few days later, my friend Melissa Kimble of
sent me this tweet from (aka yumcoconutmilk on Twitter):“You have to know you’re a good writer. You have to know it and feel it and believe it and carry it with you. It’s my biggest piece of advice. Know your talent, grow it, cherish it. This industry has so many ways of breaking you down. But you have to know you’re good.”
Now Melissa has always had an uncanny way of sharing exactly what I’ve needed to hear when I’ve needed to hear it over the years. Seriously, it’s uncanny. I often feel as though God is speaking directly to me through the texts and tweets she sends me.
So with these two tweets, I’ve resolved that I am, in fact, a good writer. A damn good writer, if we’re being honest. And no one’s opinion or feedback is going to change that. I know the truth about myself and my work, and I need to believe it and move accordingly.
It’s okay to feel moments of self-doubt, but it’s important to not let those moments overwhelm you and permanently derail your self-confidence. And if you ever need a reminder, it’s crucial that you fill your circle with people who will remind you that you’re that “you’re that bitch; been that bitch, still that bitch; will forever be that bitch.” Word to Meg (and Meech)!
ICYMI
In my first interview as a yoga teacher (!), I shared my favorite yoga poses for relieving stress and anxiety. I was also interviewed in HuffPost about how infertility affected my marriage (spoiler: it strengthened our bond!).
So…You Want to Write a Nonfiction Book Proposal?
Do you dream of writing your own book, but you’re not sure where to begin? Next month I’m hosting a live four-week online course to teach you the ins and outs of writing a nonfiction book proposal. We’ll cover everything from clarifying your concept to building your author platform and more! Use the promo code EARLYBIRD to save $50 on registration before Aug. 21. Will I see you there?
Stop Waiting for Perfect Bookaversary Giveaway!
To celebrate one year of Stop Waiting for Perfect, I’m hosting a giveaway! Enter to win a signed copy and some SWFP swag. All you have to do is write a review for the book and share it here. I’ll choose a winner at the end of the month!
Upcoming Events
Aug. 29: Author talk and book signing at Call & Response. I’m excited to continue the one-year bookaversary celebration of Stop Waiting for Perfect at one of my new favorite bookstores and my bestie, Pam R. Johnson Davis. Come join us!
Sept. 14: Yoga for Fertility Community Class at Pulling Down the Moon. Practice a sequence of poses that are supportive of your fertility journey and safe during any part of the fertility cycle, including during IUI/IVF cycles. All levels are welcome. Wear comfortable clothing, bring your mat, and come ready to breathe, stretch and relax!
What I’m Reading
Please Photoshop My Grief Out (The Cut)
Now Hiring
Manager, Leadership Communications for the American Dental Association
VP, Creative Director for Betches Media
Social Media Community Coordinator (Contract) for eos Products
Manager, Copywriting for LA28
Engagement Editor for In These Times
Communications Manager for The Center for Artistic Activism
Communications Director for The Center for Popular Democracy
Producer for Therapy for Black Girls Podcast
Bookaversary Sale on Merch!
The celebration continues! Use the promo code PERFECT to save 15% on your order now until Aug. 31. There are new colors and youth sizes are now available!
Thank You
A special thank-you to April, Jeff, Carol, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae, Dani, Amanda, Raina, Abigail, Sharon, Kristen, Heather, Renae, Jennie, Brittaney, Kyndall, Sarah, Cecilia, Jessica, Kimberly, Jessica, Ean, Lauren, Brittani and Jenni for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support! 💜
I am that bitch! IKTR!🫶🏽🙌🏽 and you most certainly are💜 thanks for sharing cause I needed this reminder too!
WHAT ABOUT THE GROUP CHAT