a time to laugh and a time to cry

what the last two weeks have taught me about life & love

#WednesdayWisdom

“You can live on the surface or you can drop down into the depths. Yes, it is darker farther down. This is where the greatest light also survives, thrives, and rises up from.” ~ Octavia Raheem

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Morning Musings

Photo by Eli Solitas on Unsplash

I’ve long known that grief and joy can exist simultaneously, but I’ve never experienced it as much as I have in the past week and a half. After a brave battle against cancer, my father-in-law—a beloved pillar in the Mansfield community—passed away two days before Violet’s birthday.

My mother-in-law, a kind and extremely generous woman, instructed me to carry on with V’s birthday party the following day as planned. I felt conflicted, but the other moms in attendance assured me I’d done the right thing even if it felt wrong. Immediately after the party, my family and friends helped me unload the gifts and pack up our luggage for the six-hour drive to Jeff and the rest of our family in Ohio.

The party, despite my panicked attempt to cancel at the last minute, was a success. And I’m so glad we had the opportunity to celebrate Violet. Our family and friends wrapped us up in love and she was none the wiser.

Throughout the course of the next week, we hosted visitors, made plans and decisions. We also celebrated an aunt’s birthday (what can I say? our family has a lot of October birthdays, including a cousin’s birthday tomorrow and mine on Sunday. Eek!) and—two days before the funeral—another cousin’s wedding. The last 12 days have been a lot to say the least and that, my friends, is life.

We’re grieving, yes, and yet we have so much to celebrate at the same time. The subject line of today’s issue is borrowed from the Bible verse Ecclesiastes 3:4: “A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” Indeed, we’ve done all the above—oftentimes at the same time in the last two weeks. Life is funny that way.

I used to have very black and white thinking. Either something is wrong or something is right. I’ve never felt comfortable existing in the gray—until this week. We’re humans and we contain multitudes…and many feelings. As my favorite yoga teacher Chelsea Jackson Roberts says in class, "we have to hold space for the both and.” Two (seemingly opposite) things can be true at once. We can grieve and we can be grateful that our loved ones lived such full lives. We can dance the night away and then cry in the garage by ourselves the next morning.

Grief is funny that way. The things that you anticipate will make you cry don’t. Then you’ll be going about your business, living your life and grief will sneak up on you when you least expect it.

What I’ve gotten better at in my old age is letting the tears fall when they come rather than trying to suppress them. And I also make it a point not to hide said tears from Violet. She’s seen me cry more times in her short two years of life than I’ve seen my own mother cry in my almost 36 years on this planet. And that’s not a bad thing.

I want Violet to know that grief is a part of life. It’s okay to cry. You don’t always have to be strong and hold it all together. You can fall apart and trust that there will be people there to help put you back together. You can feel all of your feels—the good, the bad and the sad. You can be human. You can be soft. You can be vulnerable. You can just be.

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ICYMI

My friend, fellow author and Enneagram Twin Taylor Morrison recently had me on her podcast, Inner Warmup, and we talked all about the importance of prioritizing self-care, tapping into their inner child, and finding joy in the present moment.

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Best of Chicago Nominations

If you know me, then you know how much I hate asking for help. And, as part of my inner work, I’m challenging myself to ask for help when I need it. So here’s where you come in: I’d really like to be a finalist for Chicago Reader’s 2023 Best of Chicago Awards. Specifically, I’d love if you’d be so kind as to nominate me for Best Nonfiction Writer and my book, Stop Waiting for Perfect, for Best New Nonfiction Book by a Chicagoan. And if you’re feeling extra generous, tell your friends to do the same. Please and thank you.

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LinkedIn Live with The Mom Project

I’m joining The Mom Project on Nov. 9 for a candid conversation about my book, navigating obstacles in our career and personal life, as well as motherhood, career ambitions, and everything in-between. 

Want to grab a copy of the book ahead of our event? Use code themomproject for 30% off here.

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Links I Love

• How Your Postpartum Body May Change—and What to Do About It (Expectful)

• 5 Signs in Adulthood That You’re a Child of a Narcissistic Parent, and How To Heal, According to Psychologists (Well + Good)

• Becoming a Dad at 69 (The Cut)

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Stop Waiting for Perfect is Out Now!

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Thank You

A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae, Dani, Amanda and Raina for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!

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