box braids as a form of self-care
a good protective style can save your life
Wednesday Wisdom
“When it comes to the things you are working toward, may you keep learning to appreciate the journey even before there is a highlight reel.” ~ Morgan Harper Nichols
Morning Musings
I’ve been wearing braids for as long as I can remember. It’s in my Black girl DNA. The practice started with sitting between my grandmother’s legs while she cornrowed my hair when I was a toddler. It progressed to box braids when I was in grade school and I’ve experimented with just about every kind of protective style—crochet, Senegalese twists, faux locs, Marley twists, etc.—since then.
Protective styles are a form of convenience, yes, and also self-care.
Recently, I moved up an appointment for my knotless braids from next week to this week because I just could not stand styling, washing and detangling my natural hair another moment.
Now let me be clear (Obama voice), I love my natural hair. I know curl-typing isn’t really a thing nowadays in the natural community, but I’m a proud 4C, tight/kinky coily girlie until the day that I die. And…mama is tired. Two things can be true.
I have tried (unsuccessfully) to recreate the wash & go (or, as Black Girl Curls more accurately calls it, “hydrate & define”) my hair all summer, but no matter what I do, how many TikTok tutorials I watch or how many Innersense products I buy, I can never seem to replicate the definition and hold that my stylist does during my quarterly cuts.
My technique combined with all this humidity has proven to be a lethal combination for my fro. What starts off cute in the house immediately shrinks within an inch of its life as soon as I step foot outside.
When I have time to do a proper twist-out, I’ll do that. But as the mom to a toddler whose hair is as thick and dense as mine, time is at a premium in these parts. And given the choice I’m always going to make sure my baby looks good even if I’m out here looking like a blonde Q-tip. Well, not anymore.
After spending several hours washing, deep conditioning, detangling and styling Violet’s hair on Saturday, I rushed to do a wash & go on my own hair that promptly shrunk the second we got in the car to go to church on Sunday.
By Monday I was DM’ing my braider to change my appointment. Like I said, I love my fro down and right now, in this season (literally, the humidity is DESTROYING me!) I cannot, I will not and I shall not endure these every-five-day Wash Days. I need my braids and I need them now.
Like many Black girls I know, I turn into a different version of myself when I get my braids. There’s just something about having a ready-to-go hairstyle so when video podcasts and other speaking engagements pop up I don’t have to spend precious time doing Black Girl Math to figure out when I need to twist my hair to get the illustrious Day Two results.
Box braids have literally saved my life. And I’m not even exaggerating here.
If it weren’t for my “Black girl birthing hair,” I may not have made it out of postpartum depression alive. Not having to worry about or make time to tend to my full head of hair invited some sense of ease into an otherwise chaotic time in my life.
In an essay I wrote for Expectful, Clarké Lunara, Chief Operations Officer of Candlelit Care, a virtual perinatal mental health service for Black pregnant and postpartum parents, had this to say about the matter:
“During the postpartum period, time for yourself can be limited based on a number of factors: the support systems you do or don’t have access to, the number of children in your household, your work schedule, your personal commitments, your recovery experience, the potential for complications, NICU stays, feeding successes or challenges (both take time to manage!), and more,” says Lunara. “Combine two to three of those things together, especially if you’re the primary caregiver, and suddenly self-care can become low on the priority list. When we care for ourselves, we are better able to care for those around us. We cannot pour from an empty cup.”
And guess what? Postpartum is forever, y’all!
Protective styles are a form of self-care. Now that I’ve got my braids I feel more put-together, even if I’m just throwing on one of my IMBŌDHI jumpsuits at daycare drop-off before my weekly Target run. Not having to worry about or do my hair for two to three hours every week for the next four to six weeks frees me up to channel my energy into my creative pursuits, running around with Violet, and so much more.
Whatever your version of box braids is, I encourage you to invest in yourself and your self-care. You deserve more ease in your life. 🫶🏾
ICYMI
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for any amount of time, then you know how much I absolutely love my former editor and freelance/mom friend,
. She was one of the first editors I worked with who showed me what it meant to edit with compassion and humanity. She was also the friend I turned to most frequently during panic attacks about everything from nursing to sleep training to starting daycare.So it was fun to chat with her about something else we both have in common: being fitness instructors. I recently talked with Anna for her newsletter,
, which you should definitely subscribe to for judgement-free workout advice (and great instructional GIFs). You can read or listen to our convo here:
And if you missed my Moving Beyond Burnout convo with Camesha Jones-Brandon of Sista Afya, you can catch the replay here.
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Sept. 21: Yoga for Fertility Series at Pulling Down the Moon. Practice a sequence of poses that are supportive of your fertility journey and safe during any part of the fertility cycle, including during IUI/IVF cycles. All levels are welcome. Wear comfortable clothing, bring your mat, and come ready to breathe, stretch and relax!
Links I Love
Kamala Harris Won The Debate, But It Was A Spectacle In Which Performance Overshadowed Policy (Refinery29)
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The hair struggle is real! I cut my hair off and went blonde earlier this year, and then in July, I stopped getting haircuts. Now that it is growing out, I have enough to pull up into an afro puff, and that has been my daily style as of late, but as you said, shrinkage is so very real, and I have been thinking about getting braids again as an in between style.
The realest of black mama advice. I hear it in my core. Sometimes I sit and think about what it would be like to do both my daughters’ hair and then mine, nope. There’s no way there’s enough hours in the day or strength in my discipline to find the time.