brb, mama needs a break ✌🏾
and what I intend to do during my self-imposed summer sabbatical
#WednesdayWisdom
“You’re burnt out because you’re not doing the work that sets your soul on fire.” ~ Ebonee Davis
Morning Musings
I was already feeling beyond capacity when I was scrolling on Twitter (to avoid work that I didn’t want to do) and stumbled upon Ebonee’s post.
Well drag me then.
Now granted, as Twitter user
pointed out, capitalism is also leading all of us to burn out, but personally I knew that Ebonee was on to something.I’ve spent the last several weeks doing work that is not the most fulfilling (to me). I could tell when my eyes lit up talking to my Design Observer about writing a Juneteenth essay that I’d been missing that kind of work lately—telling stories that set my soul on fire.
Something’s got to change, I told myself. I need to change. Because how am I coming up on one year of full-time freelancing and I’m right back to where I started in terms of burnout? Put another way, how the hell do you burn out when you’re your own boss?!
And on the same day I saw Ebonee’s tweet, my friend Stephanie sent me this video of Toni Morrison at a dinner party with Oprah in 1996. In it, Morrison is talking about the moment she knew something had to give. She made a list of all the things she had to do—all of her work responsibilities and familial obligations. And then she asked herself what it was that she really wanted to do and boiled it down even further to the things that if she didn’t do them, she’d die.
Before she even completed the thought, I knew what she was going to say because I feel the same way. “There were two things,” Morrison said, “One: mother my children. Two: write books.”
It’s really as simple as that. Even writing and rewatching that video just now, I feel tears pooling in my eyes. That’s it. That’s all. The mission is so clear and yet I’ve gone and complicated it by doing wayyy too much. Too many things that don’t set my soul on fire.
Whether it’s not trusting that those two things are enough, or that I’m enough. Scarcity mindset around my work and so forth and so on.
When I was writing my first book, author Eve L. Ewing gave me the great advice to date my book—spend time with it, get to know it, nourish it, tend to it. That’s what I had the opportunity to do during the #1000wordsofsummer challenge and it felt good! No, I didn’t write 1,000 words each day (at least not for my next book), but I did spend quality time with it each morning. Eve had also given me the advice to scale back on the freelancing to make time for the book. I didn’t listen, of course, but now I get it.
I was telling my therapist about getting rid of the work that was no longer serving me and she provided a helpful reframe: it had served me, in terms of helping me to pay my bills and tamper my financial anxiety around freelancing, but the work was no longer benefitting me.
I made a promise to my fellow freelancer and new accountability buddy Laura that I would say no to the next assignment that landed in my inbox that I didn’t feel passionate about. And what do you know? Such an opportunity came about while we were DM’ing each other.
It felt a bit anxiety-inducing to say no to money, and I have proof that when I’ve done this before bigger and better things have found their way to me. My responsibility is to leave room for that to happen and not fill it up doing busy work that detracts from my mission.
Around the same time, I was texting my friend and fellow yoga teacher Nia about the need to trust that the universe will provide; release that which is no longer serving us; and expanding into our divine purpose. I know it sound a little woo-woo (we are yoga teachers, after all 💁🏾♀️), but somehow saying it aloud really brought about some much needed clarity.
And while searching the web for a motivational quote for last week’s newsletter, I happened upon this one from bell hooks: “Knowing when to quit is linked to knowing one's value.”
I don’t find it a coincidence one bit that all of these messages came about at the same time. I know enough to know that God works in mysterious ways and oftentimes for me, at least, that’s often through messages from my friends.
I don’t want the second half of the year to feel as frantic as the first half. So I’m going to use the next two weeks to rest, reflect and reset. My friend Taylor calls them integration breaks, “an intentional pause from the cycle of constant consumption for the purpose of rest, application, reflection, and deepened connection to your inner wisdom.” If you’re interested in setting up your own integration break, you can learn more here.
And if you’re curious, here’s what I aim to do during my integration break:
Finalize copy, images and layout for my new website (!!)
Get clear on what services I want to offer and how I want to position myself for this next half of the year
Watch recordings of all the workshops/trainings I’ve signed up for, but haven’t had a chance to watch yet, including pre-natal yoga and book coaching
Develop the curriculum for my forthcoming nonfiction book proposal course this fall
Finally put together a spreadsheet of all my invoices and expenses for the year thus far (this one’s for you, Martrice!)
I know I won’t get around to everything on my list, but I’m excited to get a running start. I won’t be in your inbox the next two weeks, but I will be thinking about you and how I can make this newsletter and my work overall more beneficial to you (and me).
If you’d like to leave your two cents, click the button below to take my reader survey. One lucky winner will receive a signed copy of Stop Waiting for Perfect and some SWFP merch. Thanks in advance for your feedback and I’ll see you back here on July 10!
P.s. Paid subscribers, I haven’t forgotten about you and I appreciate your patience. I know I owe you a May and June column for Werking Mom and I will make it up to you! 💜
Upcoming Events
June 20: There’s no denying female friendships are complicated at best. I’ll be in conversation with author and friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson about her debut book, Fighting for Our Friendships, to chat all about how women can create and maintain healthy friendships, as well as how to discern when a friendship might no longer be worth pursuing. Join us at Call and Response in Chicago’s Hyde Park neighborhood.
What I’m Reading
The Refaat Mobile Library is Raising Funds for Gaza (Literary Hub)
The Disturbing Truth About Hair Relaxers (New York Times)
Why Nikole Hannah-Jones Is Starting a Black Literary Salon (Harper's Bazaar)
My Latest Obsession
If you’ve spent any time on social media in the last year or so, then chances are very high you’ve come across Ellie, the New York Liberty’s fabulous mascot. While there’s debate about who is in the costume, there is no denying the brilliance of the Black women behind the creative strategy here.
Now Hiring
Part-Time Program Coordinator for Lamda Literary
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Engagement Editor for Injustice Watch
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Wellness Reporter for The New York Post
Summer Colors Are In!
Have you checked out the latest Stop Waiting for Perfect merch? New colors and youth sizes are now available!
Thank You
A special thank-you to April, Jeff, Carol, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae, Dani, Amanda, Raina, Abigail, Sharon, Kristen, Heather, Renae, Jennie, Brittaney, Kyndall, Sarah, Cecilia, Jessica, Kimberly, Jessica and Ean for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support! 💜
<3 Thank you for sharing this with us. I have so much to reflect on...
Love you! Also, Ellie is that girl. Period! 💅🏽