on a quest to do less

from someone who's spent 35 years doing the most

#WednesdayWisdom

“Beloved, stop praying for and asking for crumbs. Ask for what you really want. I want to give you the whole cake.” ~ Octavia Raheem

---

Morning Musings

I have a lifelong propensity for doing the most with the least. Case in point, I’ve written and rewritten this newsletter about three times in an effort to strike the right tone. 

What can I write about Rihanna’s Super Bowl performance and pregnancy announcement that hasn’t already been said? What can I write that will be ~inspiring~ to the masses? After all, I do have a self-help book coming out this summer. Inspiration is kinda my jam. 

But instead, I’mma keep it real with y’all: most times I’m a high-functioning hot mess. A cyclone of busyness, if you will. I am constantly biting off way more than I can chew and making a gallant effort to swallow it as fast as possible so I can move on to the next plate aka the next item on my never-ending to-do list. 

I operate a lot on fumes and big “do as I say, but not as I do” energy. So yes, you deserve a break. Me, however, I need to do all the things all at once. And it’s coming back to bite me in the butt—big time. 

The giveaway you see toward the end of this week’s newsletter? It’s been in the works for a few months now, but I’ve finally gotten my shit together just enough to post it today. 

I have several outstanding items on my to-do list and things I seem to owe everyone that were postponed because of book edits, the holidays, daycare sickness, more edits, COVID, and did I mention more edits?

My Twitter friend Amber Burns has a shirt that says, “If I owe you an email, imagine what I owe myself” And that’s how I feel.  Everything seems to require so much…effort. Effort that I simply do not have right now. 

Admittedly, my tendency to do the most was easier to “manage” back when it was just me, a 9-5, and a dream. Even when I added Jeff to the equation. But all of this + baby + book = a very overwhelmed L’Oreal and the people-pleaser in me is struggling with letting other people down. But pleasing other people comes at a cost, and that cost is my sanity and mental health. 

So I am on a personal quest to pump my breaks and do less, especially as I ramp up for more book promotion later this year. It is very anti-ethical to my approach to life and work as an Enneagram 3, but alas, something has to give. If you have any tips on how to do the least, I am all ears and I’m so serious. Help me help myself, I beg! 😩

---

Upcoming Events

• Feb. 18: Only a few tickets remain for my Galentine’s Day Pole Party at Fly Club in Chicago. (FYI: Paid subscribers receive a discount on ticketed events. You can upgrade your subscription here).

• Feb. 21: I’m hosting a Linkedin Live with my girl and fellow author Oludara Adeeyo about what it means to be a Soft Black Girl. Hope to see you there!

---

ICMYI

I’ve been really into matcha lately (like, averaging one per day into it), so I was excited to learn more about its origin and benefits in one of my latest articles. I also wrote about biological age (mine is 31, thank you) and the benefits of taking a cold (yes, cold!) shower.

---

Links I Love

1. Beyoncé is being punished for being too good (The Washington Post)

2. Laura Warrell on Publishing While Black (Literary Hub)

3. There is No Break Coming for Parents—Ever (The Cut)

---

Self-Care for Black Women Giveaway

I’m so excited to be partnering with several dope Black woman-owned businesses and creatives to put together a self-care basket for one lucky winner. The giveaway includes:

• A signed copy of No Unpaid Passengers by Pam R. Johnson Davis

• Letters to Myself: A Deck for Self-Love by Aisha Beau

• A copy of Self-Care for Black Women by Oludara Adeeyo

• A #StayNotedd journal from Notedd

• An Intuition Incubator deck from Ambition + Mischief

• Another Room Full of Dolls coloring book, mug & greeting card from Addie Rawr

All you have to do to enter is follow me over on Instagram later today and nominate a Black woman who could use a little self-care in her life!

---

Now Hiring

1. Communications Director for The Black LGBTQIA+ Migrant Project

2. Product Manager (Creative) for Chani Nicholas

3. Development Manager for The Hechinger Report

4. Director of Operations & Finance for Soul City Church

5. News Editor for The Lever

6. Senior Product Manager for Color of Change

7. Managing Director, Communications & Engagement for Community Food Navigator

8. Social Impact Campaigns Manager for National Domestic Workers Alliance 

---

Preorder Stop Waiting for Perfect

My first book, Stop Waiting for Perfect, drops this summer! This book will force you to stop playing small and encourage you to fully step into your power and walk in your purpose. It will awaken the dreams you buried deep within your soul long ago because you thought they were impossible, unattainable—available to other people, but not you. Until now.

---

Thank You

A special thank-you to Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory and Rachel for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!

---