jealousy, launch week & me

reflecting on one week of Stop Waiting for Perfect

#WednesdayWisdom

“change as frequently as you need to: change your mindset, redefine your goals, adjust your approach. grant yourself the freedom to evolve when something no longer aligns with the person you’re becoming.” ~ Fatou B. Barry

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Morning Musings

What a week it has been! Last Thursday was the Chicago launch of Stop Waiting for Perfect at Women & Children First, which was quite the full-circle moment as I write about how my jealousy at an author event of theirs back in 2016 led me to therapy and so forth and so on.

Jealousy was a theme that came up in several book talks last week, including the WCF one with my conversation partner Taylor Morrison, author of Inner Workout. It sounds weird, but I love discussing jealousy with my friends, especially the ones who are also creatives. It feels cathartic almost.

I mean, there was the podcast episode where my girl Aisha and I literally sang Beyoncé’s “Don’t Jealous Me” before confessing our jealousy of each other. And there was the time I was *thisclose* to buying a greeting card for my friend Pam that said, “I’m 97% happy for you and 3% jealous.”

Jealousy is unavoidable. We’re human. We get jealous … and that’s okay. It doesn’t automatically make you a bad person or a bad friend. It’s what you do about it—what kind of action you take after feeling the jealousy—that matters.

Last week, I was starting to spiral after comparing myself to other authors. Why did their book sell at auction and mine didn’t? Why did they get that press hit and I didn’t? Why wasn’t I invited to this Midwest book festival when this author doesn’t even go here? Y’all, I was in my feelings BIG time!

Then I had to literally take a page from my own book and remind myself of something my mom would tell me all the time: “What’s meant for you won’t miss you.” If I was supposed to be at that festival, then I would’ve been invited. But I wasn’t. So I’ll just have to trust God and the universe that there’s another opportunity somewhere out there with my name on it.

And I also have to get back to my gratitude practice. It’s hard to be jealous when you take time to count your blessings. There are people who dream of being where I am. Not everyone can say they’re a published author and I don’t take any of this for granted.

Lastly, consider this your friendly reminder that social media is one big highlight reel. So don’t waste your time and energy comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s life. Jealousy happens. It doesn’t make you a monster, but you can’t let it consume you. To mix up even more metaphors, the grass isn’t always green on the other side and there’s shit in every lawn, pardon my French.

What’s meant for you won’t miss you. Trust the process. Trust the journey. But most of all, trust yourself.

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Stop Waiting for Perfect is Out Now!

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Join Me at Evanston Public Library Tomorrow

I’m so excited to be in conversation with my friend and fellow writer Pam R. Johnson Davis tomorrow night at the Evanston Public Library main branch. It’s going to be a good time!

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See You on (Book) Tour!

• Thursday, Aug. 24: Evanston Public Library in Evanston, IL with Pam R. Johnson Davis

• Tuesday, Sept. 5: Harford County Library in Abingdon, MD

• Wednesday, Sept. 6: Red Emma’s in Baltimore, MD

• Sept. 15: Barbara’s Bookstore in Lombard, IL

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ICYMI

To paraphrase Beyoncé, I’ve been talking … I’ve been talking. Catch up on my latest hits from the Stop Waiting for Perfect press tour below:

• I was a guest on WBEZ Reset talking about how perfectionism is harming us (and why I cried when I lost my Peloton streak!).

• I had a great time chatting with Nicole Wood of Ama La Vida about embracing imperfection in our everyday lives.

• I was on the Permission to Write Office Hours podcast talking about dealing with impostor syndrome as a writer and, of course, jealousy.

• My ridiculously talented friend Anuli made a behind-the-scenes moodboard of our convo for her BLK IRL podcast (come for the cute pic of Violet, stay for the actual episode!).

• I shared the toolkit I use to combat self-doubt and negative self talk on Instagram Live with Ashley Bernardi.

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Links I Love

1. I Finally Learned How to Take a Nap (Shondaland)

2. Is ‘Undone 4C Natural Hair’ Black Women’s Answer To The ‘Effortless Hair’ Trend? (Refinery29)

3. Elyse Fox Can’t Afford to Get Overwhelmed (The Cut)

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Thank You

A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae and Dani for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!

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