on "best of" book lists, etc.
there's some serious FOMO happening around these parts
#WednesdayWisdom
“Boundaries are more important than ever. You know what you have space for. Honor the parts of you that can’t hold everyone + everything.” ~ Yasmine Cheyenne
Morning Musings
‘Tis the season for end-of-year book lists and I’d be lying to you if I said I wasn’t feeling a bit (okay, a lot) of FOMO. There’s Oprah. There’s TIME. And then there’s The New York Times among others.
To be fair, I haven’t looked at any of these lists to actually check for my book. Because that’s the thing—if I were, I would know. Someone (my agent, my publicist, random person on the Internet) would’ve told me.
And while writing this newsletter, I learned that
, one of my favorite authors of all time, has never made the NYT’s most notable books list, as she wrote in a recent issue of :“I look forward to this list every year, and sad trivia: no book of mine has ever made this list. I wish I didn’t care about such things but it’s fine that I do. Clearly, it doesn’t like rule my life or anything.”
Clearly I’m in good company. I reckon I will spend a good majority of my therapy session this afternoon talking about the same thing. Intellectually, I know these lists aren’t the end all and be all.
Also, I would be lying if I said they didn’t matter. Because they do matter in terms of sales, especially for newbie authors like me. I wasn’t kidding about wanting to make a career out of being an author and I’m going to need to sell a whole lotta books in order to make that dream come true.
It is a bit disheartening to put a ton of effort into a project and not have it recognized by your peers. Like Roxane said, I wish I didn’t care, but I do. And, as my therapist often reminds me, that’s human.
Intellectually I know the lists aren’t everything, and emotionally I still feel jealous…I wonder if my book is good enough, if I’m good enough. And if I dwell on it too much, I start to really fall down a spiral of self-loathing and second-guessing.
Then, as if God can sense that I need some encouragement, I’ll see a tweet or an Instagram post from someone who’s resonated with my book. Recently, it was my Twitter friend Katherine Morgan who shared that Stop Waiting for Perfect gave her the boost she needed to open Grand Gesture Books, her own online bookstore dedicated to romance novels. And a few days later, Talia Hibbert, one of my favorite romance authors, shared on Instagram that she’d listened to the audiobook not once, but twice!
Consider me gobsmacked.
I’ve only written one book (so far), but I have to imagine every author’s hope is that their words will reach the people who need them most. As I’ve mentioned before, Stop Waiting for Perfect is for everyone who identifies as a perfectionist, a high-achiever and/or super ambitious. And, given my own identity and life experiences, it was written specifically for and with Black women in mind.
So to receive affirmation that my work is not only reaching, but inspiring the people it was made for is the highest honor. Yes, a list or two (or three) would be incredible. And I know that my legacy will live beyond lists.
Years ago, I wrote a newsletter about impact being greater than influence. The latter, to me, is fleeting. It’s temporary. Impact, however, goes beyond the superficial and can have a lasting ripple effect. That’s what I’m striving for in my writing, especially my books, and with any luck I just might achieve that. Lists, be damned.
Breakthrough Fear to Freedom
My interview with life coach Jackie Kannier is live now! Our conversation is part of her FREE online interview series, Breakthrough Fear to Freedom, where I and other top experts share practical ways we’ve overcome fear to create lives we love and help you do the same. Click below to get into all the goodness.
Links I Love
Beyoncé’s ‘Renaissance’ Film: 4 Takeaways From the Premiere (The New York Times): I’m going to see Queen Bey’s latest film with my bestie Pam tomorrow and I cannot wait! While I’ve had Renaissance on repeat since it dropped and I saw the tour this summer (also with Pam), I’m excited for the rare behind-the-scenes footage of Bey’s creative process, much like in Homecoming. The queen never disappoints.
63 Ways to Say No in Basically Any Situation (Wondermind): This one is for the people-pleasers (ahem, including me).
Grand Gesture Books Goes Big on Romance (Publishers Weekly): Learn more about Katherine’s bookstore here!
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I just downloaded the audiobook! And as an author who can't quite finish her book proposal, but is going ahead with a self published workbook to leverage her own audience, I feel you on this. I want to commend you for making it to Barnes and Noble, a national book tour, CBS Mornings and your old high school. That alone is worthy and a reminder that you did the thing that you're telling us to do. Now, let me listen so I can get to my next benchmark, for me, and no one else ;).
If it’s any consolation, Stop Waiting For Perfect is on MY year’s best book list. 😅 Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this. We’re supposed to feign humility and “not care” about accolades but they matter, even if our primary goal isn’t to achieve them.