On book deals, breakups & Big Girl Panties
Behind the scenes of my journey to finding a new literary agent—and what it taught my about my worth, worrying and writing.
Wednesday Wisdom
“My nervous system is safe enough to hold success. I do not sabotage what I prayed for.” ~
Morning Musings
Earlier this year I mutually parted ways with my literary agent. If you know anything about my publishing journey, you know it’s been exactly that…quite the journey! 😅 In truth, my most recent agent was actually my third one, but that’s a different story for a different day.
I was so elated to have signed with an agent who got me and understood my vision for Stop Waiting for Perfect (which, at the time we signed, was actually titled Trust Your Dopeness. IYKYK). And when we got an offer from BenBella Books, I was even more excited for my very first book deal!
After all, I’d been mulling over this book for years. I first had the idea back in 2015; wrote the book proposal in 2017; and began querying literary agents in 2018. I signed with my last agent in December 2020 and signed my book deal in summer 2021. And it didn’t publish until August 2023…that’s nearly 10 years from inception to bookshelves, for those of you keeping score at home.
I’ve always been intentional in referring to SWFP as my first book because I’ve always known that I have more than one book in me (stay tuned for next week’s newsletter about my first children’s book, eek!). And, if I had my way, I knew I wanted my next book for adults to be a memoir about my (ongoing) experience with infertility. There was just one teeny, tiny problem…my agent at the time didn’t really do memoir.
She told me this straight up, expressed her hesitation and even tried to (gently) break up with me at first. Me being that headstrong Scorpio that I am would not allow it and I kept trying to make fetch happen. Then, through a few chats with friends, fellow authors, including
, who shared honestly and vulnerably about her own recent breakup with her literary agent, and even one self-described “book doula,” I realized I was getting in my own way and blocking my own blessing.I needed to find a new agent. But the prospect felt daunting. How likely was I to actually find another agent? What if I didn’t happen to strike gold twice? What if everyone’s right and my memoir doesn’t sell? Because writing a regular nonfiction book as a Black woman with a small platform is hard enough…memoir sometimes feels impossible.
It then took me a few months to gather the courage to do the thing. Scarcity mindset was telling me that I’d never find another agent and this was the end of my relatively new career as an author. Abundance mindset, however, told me having the right agent was more important than simply have an agent.
I believe in my talent and skills. I’m grateful for everyone who’s read (or listened) to my book and shared how it’s helped them. And yet, the numbers don’t lie. In an industry where you have to sell upwards of 10,000 copies to even have a chance at the big bestseller lists, SSWFP fell roughly 8,000 short—a fact that several potential new agents pointed out.
Once I put my anxiety aside and put on my Big Girl Panties to break up with my agent, everything started happening pretty quickly. She understood, as I knew she would, and there were absolutely no hard feelings. I put out my desire to find a new agent out into the ether and within 72 hours, I had interest from three literary agents.
But then I saw an email from
Smith announcing his own agency, , and I knew immediately that I’d found my new literary home. Eric is someone I lovingly refer to as one of my Twitter friends, back when, ya know, it was a relatively decent place and that’s where all the writers hung out. I forget exactly how our paths crossed (something tells me it probably had to do with of seeing as how they’re both writers from Philly…and you know I love my East Coast peeps!).Anywho, Eric always struck me as someone who is super kind, keeps it real and has a heart of gold…exactly the kind of person you want in your corner when it comes to your longterm writing goals and career as an author. He’s an author, literary agent and a fellow Scorpio. He’s also a dad and someone who has his own fertility journey to share. Needless to say, my Scorpio intuition told me he would understand INFERTILE BLACK GIRL on a visceral level…and I was right.
While reading the news of Neighborhood Literary as I was waiting to get called into the ultrasound room at my fertility clinic (very appropriate all things considered), I knew I had to shoot my shot. I sent Eric a quick note congratulating him on the move and later sent my full query letter when I returned to my desk. He responded within the hour and we’ve been rocking together ever since.
Now this would make for a nice fairy tale ending; however, life is a lot more complicated than that. At the same time, I had interest from another literary agent whom I really, really liked—a big name that would be perfect on paper. But I had to go with my gut on this one. Anything can happen, but I’ve got a feeling Eric and I are in this for the long haul. INFERTILE BLACK GIRL, here we come! 💜
💰 New Workshop Alert 💰
This hourlong virtual workshop is designed for freelancers, entrepreneurs and creatives (especially women and BIPOC folks) who are done playing small and ready to price with confidence, clarity, and no apologies.
What We’ll Cover:
✔️ How to set your rate (without second-guessing or Googling "what do freelancers charge")
✔️ How to confidently respond when a client lowballs you
✔️ Real email scripts for negotiating, raising rates, and walking away gracefully
✔️ What to include in your freelance rate sheet
✔️ Affirmations for pricing anxiety and boundaries
✔️ A downloadable Rate-Setting Cheat Sheet to use again and again
Because you don’t need another pricing calculator. You need community, strategy and receipts. I got you, boo! 💜
Upcoming Events
June 17: Author Talk with Be Rooted. I’m so excited to join my favorite stationery company for a candid conversation about my book, Stop Waiting for Perfect. This FREE webinar dives into the deeply relatable struggle of perfectionism, particularly among high-achieving Black women, and how it can keep us stuck in comfort zones that no longer serve us.
June 28: Unfiltered & Unapologetic: A Book Launch & Conversation. Join me for the Chicago book launch of Judy McCutcheon’s book, Unfiltered and Unapologetic: A Woman’s Guide to Live, Love, and Lead with Boldness. I’ll be serving as the moderator for this event, which includes heavy hors D’oeuvres, beverages and authentic networking. Get your ticket starting at $30 here.
What I’m Reading
A love letter to Keisha Clark and Black girls dealing with shame (
)Fat Black Girls Are, First & Foremost, An Unsavory Idea (
)American Girl Addy Walker's Dress Is A Political Statement (Essence)
My Latest Obsession
I’m not even going to hold you, I’ve never been much of a Wordle girl. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love words. Obvi. But crossword puzzles and the like have never really been my jam…until I stumbled upon Black Crossword. It’s like any good ol’ fashioned crossword you’d find in a print newspaper (remember those?) or the NYT app, but this one is for the culture. You can play for free online or order the books by creator Juliana Pache (there’s a new one coming out next month!).
Now Hiring
Associate Manager, Marketing for Pantheon
Communications Director for Jobs to Move America
Editorial Director, Live Events for Invisible Hand
Communications Writer for the Yale School of Management
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And I’m crying ❤️❤️❤️
So happy you found a new perfect match. :-)