stop undermining yourself

you're more powerful thank you realize

Jul 26, 2023

#WednesdayWisdom

“Stop holding on to things and people that don't reciprocate your energy. Holding on to what no longer serves us keeps us stuck in places and spaces we are no longer in alignment with.” ~ Fatou B. Barry

Morning Musings

A couple of weeks ago I had a video interview with Black Enterprise to promote the book and I was super anxious for the following reasons:

While I’ve sufficiently rebuilt the Special Event portion of my postpartum closet, my Important Zoom portion could use a little TLC so I was scrambling to find a suitable outfit at the last minute.
My twist-out was about two days past its prime (we all know Day Three is the best) so my pineapple wasn’t pineapple-ing the way I needed it to pineapple (IYKYK).
I could not get this Google Chrome update together for the life of me so I had to email the producers that I was running late.
And finally, my home office situation isn’t exactly the best for Important Zooms (and if we’re being honest, “office” is a bit of a stretch…my desk is in the corner of our living room, which is fine most days, but not when the background is literally covered in toys).

All of this resulted in a very anxious, very frazzled L’Oreal who arrived five minutes late to the interview with literal beads of sweat on her forehead apologizing profusely. The host, Alisa Gumbs, and producer were more than understanding and the producer even promised me he’d be able to fix the lighting in post-production. I didn’t quite believe him, but Alisa and I went on to have a really great conversation so I left the interview feeling wayyy better than when I’d entered it.

When Alisa emailed me and my publicist (hi, Jennifer!) that the interview was going live last Wednesday, I sent yet another super apologetic email for the lighting and the technical difficulties, etc. I immediately cringed. One apology is fine. Professional even. Two is…a bit much. Shit happens, yes. But we own it, learn from it and move on. By dwelling on the matter I was undermining myself, my book and my overall talent.

Now, it’s entirely possible no one else involved thought of it that way. But I certainly learned an important lesson in that moment. I was afraid to watch the playback of the video for all of the aforementioned reasons, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that a) the lighting wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be and b) people really resonated with the message.

One mom commented on Facebook:

“This is an awesome LIVE! My teenage daughter and I are glad we tuned in. In order to be brave a little fear has to be in place. Okay to fear, yes to BRAVERY! Thank you for sharing!”

And when I thanked them for watching, she replied:

“Awwww thank you! You're phenomenal! We are purchasing your book today. My daughter thanks you as well. She's 14, straight As all her life while loving school and this helped her put things into perspective about being kind to herself. What you had to say gave her great reassurance, it helped us both.”

This, dear reader, is when I started crying. Comments like this mom’s are the reason why I do what I do and why I write what I write. I see a lot of myself in her daughter and if I can help her at 14 learn some of the lessons I didn’t get until 35, well then it’s all worth it. (YA version of Stop Waiting for Perfect, anyone?)

We’re less than three weeks out from the release date and while I’m super excited for the events (and to kick things off in New York City at Cafe con Libros on Monday, Aug. 14!!), I’m still feeling a lot of debut author anxiety. Will the book do well? Will people like it? Will it sell enough that I get to write more books?

As I’ve written before, preorders are immensely important for debut authors like me and, fun fact, they count toward our first week sales, which the publishing industry uses to determine whether a book is successful.

So, if you want to read more books from me (and I hope you do!), please consider preordering. And if you already have, thank you! Please upload a screenshot or PDF of your receipt for the virtual launch party on Wednesday, Aug. 16. More info on other book tour dates below. See you there?

ICYMI

A roundup of a few of my latest articles from Fortune:

Links I Love

Is burnout draining your battery? Here’s how to operate in ‘low-power mode’ if you can’t take time off work (Well + Good)
‘We deserve to have fun’: The women going all out for Barbie (Harper’s Bazaar)
How to stop comparing your current body to your former one (SELF)

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Get your copy

See You on (Book) Tour!

Below is a list of book events so far, more to come!

Monday, Aug. 14: Cafe con Libros in Brooklyn, NY with Aisha Beau
Wednesday, Aug. 16: Virtual book launch with Evette Dionne
Thursday, Aug. 17: Ama La Vida (virtual)
Thursday, Aug. 17: Women & Children First in Chicago, IL with Taylor Morrison
Friday, Aug. 18: Lululemon in Chicago, IL (registration to come!)
Thursday, Aug. 24: Evanston Public Library in Evanston, IL with Pam R. Johnson Davis
(NEW!) Wednesday, Sept. 6: Red Emma’s in Baltimore, MD (registration to come!)
Sept. 15: Barbara’s Bookstore in Lombard, IL

Thank You

A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae and Dani for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!