#WednesdayWisdom
“I always wanted to be different, but now I realise that I just need to be myself.” ~ Da’Vine Joy Randolph
Morning Musings
After years of struggling with anxiety, everything seemed to have come to a head late last year. For the life of me, I couldn’t focus. I was unproductive. And I was having a really hard time getting sh*t done. Was it Mom Brain? Was it Entrepreneur Brain? Was it MY brain, or something else altogether?
At the suggestion of my therapist, I scheduled an evaluation with a psychiatrist for ADHD. But, as it turns out, what I was experiencing was “untreated anxiety with a but of lingering depression.” Well, damn. My psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft and the rest, as they say, is history.
Except this feels like a beginning. It’s been roughly two months since I started taking sertraline and I wouldn’t say I feel like a new person, but I do feel like a calmer, more productive version of myself. It’s amazing how much you can get done when you’re not constantly assuming the worst. 🙃
I was talking to my therapist about my PTSD surrounding infertility and (slight) jealousy of mom friends who are already on their second babies when she introduced me to the three root causes of anxiety:
Perfection
Future catastrophizing
Negative internal beliefs
“Congrats, you check all three boxes,” she said. Well, damn.
Recently, I was feeling the weight of that anxiety that night before I pressed “publish” on my upcoming Pitch Clinic workshop. But, instead of spiraling as I’ve been known to do, I went through the checklist and developed a counterargument for each point:
Perfection: I believe that this workshop has to be 100% perfect before it goes live.
Counterargument: Perfection does not exist. It is better to launch and then tweak rather than keep it in the drafts forever. Literally, stop waiting for perfect.
Future catastrophizing: What if nobody signs up?
Counterargument: It’s okay. If no one signs up, you will pivot. You will figure it out. You got this.
Negative internal beliefs: Who are you to host (and charge!) for this workshop? Who do you think you are?
Counterargument: Ah, Negative Nancy, there you are. I’m a published author and award-winning journalist with more than 16 years of experience. I’ve been on both sides of the pitch as a writer and also an editor. I am confident in the value I bring to the table.
Then I went to sleep and woke up to my first registrant (thank you, Joia!). Three months ago I still would’ve been panicking and doubting myself. But thanks to therapy (and Zoloft), I’m kicking ass and taking names.
Now, I’m not going to lie. At first I definitely felt like a Bad Mom. Why am I not “normal”? Why can’t I do this on my own? The truth is, I was trying to figure it out on my own…and it wasn’t working. I’ve been in therapy since 2016. I’ve been doing yoga consistently since 2015. I’ve been journaling since I was a kid.
These things are all part of my self-care toolkit and now I’ve added medication to the lineup. That doesn’t make me a bad person and it definitely doesn’t make me a Bad Mom.
As I’ve shared before (and probably will until the day I die), I often reflect back on my therapist posed the following challenge: whenever I find myself in difficult situations, think about what I’d want Violet to do and then go do that.
I would want Violet to take care of herself and get the help she needs, whether that be therapy, medication, or otherwise. I do not want her to suffer or feel as though she has to push through and be the Strong Black Woman. And so, I have to model that self-care…for her, for me and for every high-functioning Black girl. Because we deserve. 💜
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ICYMI
Much love and many thanks to Erin Gallagher for including me and Stop Waiting for Perfect in the first Hype Women Book Collective: A collection of women authors challenging systems, fighting for intersectional gender equity and reminding women of who the f*ck they are through their world-changing writing! There are some great authors on this list and I’m grateful to be part of this lineup.
Upcoming Events
March 17: Yoga for Fertility. There’s still time to join my in-person Yoga for Fertility series at Pulling Down the Moon for a reduced rate of $175. All postures all beginner and fertility-friendly. Come for the yoga, stay for the community!
March 19: Embracing Imperfection Workshop. In this interactive, virtual event, I’ll join Lauren Strayhorn of
and certified mindset + leadership coach Sam Cartagena for a candid conversation about redefining success and reaching your full potential through self-acceptance and compassion.
Links I Love
Cooking from a grief (food) archive (the dead zine.)
Are you catastrophizing? Here’s how to stop assuming the worst. (Vox)
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Thank You
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Yep, right here in the Cymbalta club because I have such anxiety and depression it’s progressed to nerve pain and sometimes migraines. But, I am determined to feed myself and my soul and do better, but money stress and living in DC stress is nibbling at me.
Thank you once again for a right on time post. I feel like I am for sure a high functioning anxious person, but I mask really really well because my doctors and therapist are like "no no you're fine". I am indeed not fine. lol