working my way through (working) mom guilt

I feel like I'm half-assing both jobs

#WednesdayWisdom

“leaning into softness requires you to say yes to the things you negotiate away. you cannot thrive in a space of self-deprivation.” ~ Rebeckah Price

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Morning Musings

By the time this hits your inbox, I will be prepping to moderate my first panel at Fortune’s Brainstorm Health conference. It’s my first conference, second business trip and third overall trip without the baby since she’s been born. It’s also my longest—at two nights and 3.5 days (not that I’m counting or anything). And boy, do I feel guilty.

I feel guilty for leaving the baby…again (after all, I did just get back from Vegas about 10 days ago). And I also feel guilty for leaving the conference early to get back to said baby. It may seem irrational, but it was really important to me that I be at home when she wakes up Thursday morning.

As a result, I feel like I’m not doing either of my jobs particularly well. It’s a struggle I previously wrote about in a guest essay for Fortune’s Broadsheet newsletter. It feels like neither aspect of life—my family or my work—is getting the best of me. The full me. I try really hard to show up at 100% in everything I do, but it’s impossible. Someone inevitably is always getting shortchanged and I’m starting to accept that’s just going to be my reality for now.

I know in my heart that I’m doing the right thing by pursuing my passion and ambition outside of the home. I have no second thoughts or regrets about being a “working mom” because I know I don’t have the patience and temperament needed to be a stay-at-home mom. It is not my ministry. (Side note: we really need to find better phrasing for working moms and stay-at-home moms…parenting in and of itself is labor, even if it’s a labor of love.)

I also recall a wise woman (aka Forever FLOTUS Michelle Obama) once said, “I tell women, that whole 'you can have it all' — nope, not at the same time; that's a lie.”

So if we can’t have it all, it would stand to reason that we cannot also do it all—no matter how hard we might try and strive, and strive some more. I cannot cram more hours in a day and I cannot be two places at once.

What pains me right now is knowing I might miss a milestone. Just this past weekend, Violet mastered climbing up the slide (mostly) by herself and going down the slide without assistance. She also said Elmo for the first time (which I guess she learned at school because we don’t really watch Sesame Street at home, but I was excited nonetheless).

She’s learning and growing every day and the inner critic who lives inside of me tells me I’m being a Bad Mom if I’m not there to witness every milestone when it happens. So I try to counter that negativity by telling myself a) there will be plenty more milestones to come and b) I know for a fact I’m a better mom when I take time to myself (as I did with my sister in Vegas) and I live into my superpower as a storyteller (as I’m doing at this conference).

But that doesn’t always make it easier in the moment. You can know you’re doing the right thing and it can still be hard. Both things can be true.

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Save 25% on Preorders at B&N

If you’ve been waiting for the “perfect” moment to preorder Stop Waiting for Perfect (pun intended), here it is! Starting today until Friday, April 26, preorders are 25% off at Barnes & Noble with the code PREORDER25. Already got your copy? Then grab one for your mama and your cousin, too!

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Upcoming Events

• April 29: How to Write (and sell) Your Nonfiction Book Proposal. This class will also include the anatomy of a nonfiction book proposal and sample query that will help you land an agent. Participants will walk away with a solid understanding of how to write a proposal and query letter; tips for how to build their audience and information on where to find literary agents.

• May 6: Mommy & Me Yoga. I’m teaming up with my girl Nia of Nia’s Nest for a special pre-Mother’s Day event for the mamas and their littles. Light refreshments will be served and we’ll be mixing & mingling afterward.

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Links I Love

In this week’s issue, I’m sharing a few of my fave Substack reads:

1. Your value isn’t rooted in how hard your work by

   Alisha Robertson
   of
   Mind Body Brand

Issue #25: Your value isn't rooted in how hard you work

2. It’s my book’s birthday by

   Tajja Isen
   of
   Creative Practice

   It’s My Book’s Birthday

3. Can you be a good mom and a great writer? by

   Courtney Maum
   of
   Before and After the Book Deal

   Can you be a good mom and a great writer?

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Now Hiring

1. Investigative Reporter for Block Club Chicago

2. Conversational Marketing for Gilga

3. Senior Grants Manager for The Asian Pacific Environmental Network

4. Engagement and Culture Specialist for Planned Parenthood of Illinois

5. Workplace Solutions Lead for Cara Collective

6. Director of Workforce Development for Nontraditional Employment for Women

7. Associate Director of Digital Storytelling for Define American

8. Associate or Senior Associate of Community Marketing for Her Campus Media

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Thank You

A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna and Stephanie for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!

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