you don't *always* have to make responsible decisions
a PSA to firstborn daughters everywhere
#WednesdayWisdom
“Rest and remember a dream so potent within you, that you have no choice other than to wake up and make it real.” ~ Octavia Raheem
Morning Musings
Last week as I was recapping my decision to stay up wayyy past my bedtime to watch the last stop of the Renaissance World Tour and buy tickets to the film, which were released at 1 a.m. CT, my therapist told me straight up:
“You don’t always have to make the responsible decision.”
I was looking down at my notebook taking notes as I’m wont to do and I stopped—mouth agape—to look up at her. And I’m pretty sure I looked like that Jennifer Lawrence meme from Hot Ones. You know the one…
As the firstborn daughter, responsibility is kinda my thing. Like, I’m pretty sure it’s part of the unofficial Big Sister Manual. And my therapist doubled down, reminding me that part of what makes life fun are often irresponsible decisions. Like eating cookie dough straight out of the package at 2 a.m. Going shopping with your college roommate instead of studying for your Intro to Judaism final (I ended up with a B in the class, so it was fine). Staying up until 1 a.m. to get movie tickets for a concert you’ve watched countless clips of on social media and have seen in person. You get the idea.
Women, particularly firstborn daughters, are primed to be the responsible ones—a role that carries over from our family roles into our friendships, careers and even romantic relationships. We’re the ones who get shit done. We’re the ones who will always “take care of it,” often at the expense of our own well-being.
My therapist’s advice was a friendly reminder that I could let my hair down, have some fun and—wait for it—not feel guilty about it. After I explained the Beyoncé situation, my therapist asked whether I regretted my actions. I thought about it for a split second and said, “no.” And I don’t…Jeff got me and my bestie Pam tickets at a fancy theater with reclining seats the night BEFORE the movie is released in theaters nationwide. I had no regrets at all.
And I didn’t need to “should” myself into making the responsible decision. After all, you only live once! I heard my therapist’s voice in my head later in the week when I moved some things around to meet some of my fave Peloton instructors during their Chicago stop. Responsible? No. Fun? Hell yes! And I’d do it again.
Where can you let go of a little responsibility and invite more fun into your life? Let me know in the comments!
🎉 Party with a Purpose 🎉
Oct. 18: Chicago Reader UnGala. I love a party with a cause and this annual benefit certainly fits the bill. Come out to support local media and enjoy some of the city’s best art and entertainment as well. Save $5 on your ticket with the code MYREADERGUEST.
P.s. I’m giving away a pair of tickets to the FIRST person who replies and tells me their favorite thing about Chicago! (Open to U.S. residents only, must be available to attend on Oct. 18)
Links I Love
The Cycling Queen Who Cultivates Confidence (Women’s Health): I’m SO happy Tunde is on the cover, but I couldn’t help but wonder where there NO Black women health & wellness journalists available? I mean, HELLO!
Writing on Prepaid Time: Shannon Sanders on Balancing Parenthood and Publishing (Literary Hub): Shannon is one of my fellow writer mom friends on Twitter and this essay about the reality of being a writer mom was so honestly refreshing I cried two paragraphs in.
Your Body Isn’t the Same After Baby—and That’s Okay (The Everymom): Two years postpartum (as of Sunday!) and I’m STILL learning to accept, appreciate and maybe even grow to love my postpartum body.
Now Hiring
Director of Communications for Women in Film
Community Engagement Coordinator for Irth
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Vice President of Communications for the Alzheimer’s Association
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Stop Waiting for Perfect is Out Now!
P.s. Enjoy FREE standard shipping today (Oct. 11) when you order from Bookshop! Get a head start on that holiday shopping. 😉
Thank You
A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae, Dani, Amanda and Raina for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!
My school gave all teachers the afternoon off in recognition of a month + of hard work. I could have done the responsible thing and done chores at home - folded laundry, cooked a lunch of the fresh vegetables in my fridge, and cleaned my apartment. Instead, I went out into the sunshine to a local park and unexpectedly got to hear a free jazz concert(!)
Needed this! Sent to three of my friends! An apt reminder for eldest daughters