are we there yet?: a lesson on future catastrophizing
everything is not deserving of your attention all the time
#WednesdayWisdom
“I’m connecting to life through ordinary wonders..and this nurtures and strengthens my creativity.” ~ Morgan Harper Nichols
Morning Musings
A few weeks ago, Jeff and I toured a new preschool for Violet and I fell in love. I may or may not have even cried halfway through the tour because it was just that dang beautiful.
Once we were back in the car, however, my anxiety started to kick in. We’d put paid the registration fee and we’re on the waitlist, but I know personally of at least two other families who are higher than us on said list. And even if we do get in for the upcoming school year (which we’ll find out in either May or June), how are we going to pay for it? And even if we can afford it now, what happens when we add another kid to the mix?
I was running down my list of anxieties when my therapist interrupted my ruminating thoughts with a poignant question, “Are we there yet?” I was confused at first and asked her to repeat herself.
“Are we there yet?” she asked. “Let’s say everything goes according to plan. The earliest you’re looking at a second kid entering daycare is 2026. Are we there yet?”
She had a point. And last month I was *thisclose* to bringing in $10,000 in paid invoices…six months into full-time freelancing. There’s time for my business to grow even bigger by the time we hit 2026. We’re not there yet.
You might recall my therapist introduced the three root causes of anxiety to me in a previous session, but to recap it includes:
Perfection
Future catastrophizing
Negative internal beliefs
In this case, I was future catastrophizing and BADLY. Compartmentalizing has never been my strong suit. In the same way that my laptop often has 20 tabs open at all time, so does my brain. But, as it turns out, it can be a helpful tool when faced with anxiety around the future. Now, when the thoughts about preschool bubble up, I first tell myself that’s a May/June problem with regards to finding out if we’re off the waitlist. And then when the anxiety around finances start to surface, I remind myself that’s a 2026 problem.
It’s the same thinking my therapist has encouraged me to adopt when it comes to planning for our second child. I’ve touched on it before, but I have a hard time when I find out couples we know with children around Violet’s age are already on their second kid for two reasons: a) I presume it must’ve been easy for them to get pregnant (which was decidedly not the case for us) and b) I presume they can easily afford two kids (which may be a bit of a stretch for us at this point in time).
And my therapist lovingly reminds me we’re not there yet. We haven’t started IVF again. We don’t know what the journey is going to hold for us next time around. That’s a future problem.
Perhaps there’s a situation you’re facing that can also be filed away as a future problem. But are you dedicating time and energy to it know when there are other more immediate concerns (and people!) that deserve your attention? If you, like me, find yourself ruminating over what the future may hold, I encourage you to ask one simple question: are we there yet?
Upcoming Events
April 27: Nurturing Nest: A Daytreat for Chicago Moms. I’m teaming up with my good friend Nia Ellis to provide a relaxing afternoon to Chicago-area moms (whether you’re trying to conceive, newly postpartum or many years postpartum). Join us for a restorative yoga practice led by Nia; meditation led by yours truly; and a soothing sound bath by Candyce Jones. Use the promo code LOREAL5 to save $5 on your ticket!
April 30: Soulful Expressions: Yoga & Poetry Fusion for Black Women's Wellness. I love collaborating with my friends to bring you all fun festivities, so I’m excited to partner with Sista Afya and my friend Pam R. Johnson Davis to deliver what promises to be a soulful and restorative evening in honor of National Black Women’s History Month and National Poetry month. It’s going to be a night to remember.
Links I Love
The Meal That Never Was (dead zine.)
On Pointe (Marie Claire)
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A special thank-you to April, Jeff, Carol, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae, Dani, Amanda, Raina, Abigail, Sharon, Kristen, Heather, Renae, Jennie, Brittaney, Kyndall, Sarah, Cecilia, Kimberly and Jessica for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support! 💜
Girl you always deliver the exact words I need to hear, when I need to hear them 🫶🏽
Thank you for sharing so honestly about all the thoughts that whirl in your head and mine.