closed mouths don't get fed on this boulevard
a valuable lesson in asking for what you need & want
Wednesday Wisdom
“Everything that leaves is replaced by something better. I never lack.” ~ We The Urban
Morning Musings
Believe it or not, ya girl used to be shy. Like chronically shy. Like, would ask my younger sister to ask the server at the restaurant for the BBQ sauce to go with my chicken tenders in case they forgot to bring it kind of shy.
As I write in Stop Waiting for Perfect, my mom taught me a very valuable lesson when I was interviewing for a middle school summer camp (yes, you read that correctly). In so many words, she informed me closed mouths don’t get fed. There is no room for humility in this world, especially as a Black girl. I could lie to you, say I understood the assignment and went on to confidently and unapologetically ask for what I needed from that day on, but that’s not how the story goes.
Perhaps against my best interest I've always bought into the idea of meritocracy, that my work (or, in many cases, my writing) would speak for itself and open up countless opportunities. Sadly, that is also not how the story goes.
In my career, I’ve noticed numerous times that it’s often not the people with the most talent who are rewarded, but rather the people who are the loudest. And well, that’s never really been my style. Until recently.
Somewhere between seeing my friend and fellow author Erin Gallagher unabashedly ask for support in becoming a New York Times bestseller with her forthcoming book, Hype Women, and reading The Calling by Rha Goddess (more of that later), I decided why not me? Why can’t I ask for what I want and what I need? Who cares what other people think? I don’t need anyone else’s permission.
And so that’s what I did. For the last few months, I’d been going back and forth with my literary agent about the infertility memoir I want (no, that I’ve been called) to write. And, to her credit, she told me straight up that she doesn’t really do memoir. But being the stubborn Scorpio that I am, I kept trying to make fetch happen for a number of reasons, primarily because I was afraid to start over. It’d taken me years and multiple agents to sign with this one and I was intimidated by the prospect of returning to the query trenches to find a new one.
But after a pep talk with fellow author
, who found herself in a similar situation regarding breaking up with her agent, and a few nudges from the universe, I decided to have the difficult conversation. There were no hard feelings, no bad blood, only well wishes and positive vibes.While I’d started a spreadsheet of prospective agents, I decided to also put my desire for a new agent on main (aka social media). And you know what? The universe responded!
Within HOURS, I had two connections who offered to introduce me to their contacts who happened to be literary agents. AND I read the news that my longtime Twitter mutual, fellow author, Substacker and Scorpio
Smith had launched his own agency, , which I’m VERY excited about! But better yet, all three agents requested to see the full book proposal for Infertile Black Girl, which is a pretty BFD in the publishing world.What I learned from this social experiment:
Closed mouths don’t get fed: Yes, you can do the work on your own, and you can also ask for help. You can do both.
Never underestimate the power of your network: To quote my mom (again), “it’s not always what you know, but who you know and who they know.” Allow your network to show up for you. They may (pleasantly) surprise you!
The law of attraction is real: I’ve written before about my take on manifestation (aka how it requires doing the work and meeting the moment). And these last few weeks (months?) have been exactly that.
I’ve been diligently working on this book proposal for months now so when my new future literary agent requests to see it, I’m prepared. Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready, amirite?
Asking for what you need and want extends into your personal life as well. On Sunday, after a week of taking on the bulk of childcare, dropoffs, pickups and playdates while Jeff tended to an important work project, I asked for an hour to myself before church.
I journaled for a bit, read my horoscope in the CHANI app and dozed off to a meditation about abundance. It was definitely an hour well spent. I won’t pretend I woke up 100% rejuvenated, but it filled my tank enough to keep going that day.
Three years ago (and pre-Zoloft), I wouldn’t have had the courage to proactively ask for help (yes, even from my partner!). But what a difference it makes!
Where can you asl for support in your life? What Big Ask can you make this week? Hit “reply” or feel free to share in the comments. Who knows? Your big break may just be one ask away!
Upcoming Events
April 26: I’m excited to be partnering with Kendra Vargas of Authentically You Psychotherapy for the upcoming Harmony in Healing Fertility Wellness Retreat. I’ll be leading a gentle yoga flow that is safe for those undergoing fertility treatments and is designed to promote relaxation, reduce stress, and enhance overall well-being. There will also be acupuncture, small group support and journaling. Hope to see you there!
New #AskLT Coming Friday!
You’ve got questions and I’ve got answers! Catch up on last month’s advice column and submit your question for this month’s column below 👇🏾
What I’m Reading, Watching & Listening To…
📖 The Calling by Rha Goddess: I have a bad habit of picking up new books every time I visit the library and you could say this one called out to me. What I enjoy about The Calling is this three-step model that rings true to how I operate as a business owner: Stay True. Get Paid. Do Good. It really can be that simple!
📺 With Love, Meghan: I know there’s been a lot of chatter about the Duchess of Sussex’s new Netflix show, but as someone who enjoys holiday baking shows in the winter, I can attest that this is easy watching/great background TV for WFH days (which, let’s be honest, is basically every day for me). But if you can only watch one episode, definitely tune into the one with Mindy Kaling!
🎧 The Power Pause by Neha Ruch: Yes, I’m team audiobooks count as reading (but for purposes of this newsletter, they count as listening, too)! Neha and I had the pleasure of being on a panel together last year about motherhood and ambition and I have to say her debut book does not disappoint. While it’s geared toward moms who take time off from paid work after having kids (thus, the power pause), there are several valuable lessons included for moms of all walks of life.
Links I Love
- , plus shoutout to friend & subscriber of for the timely share!)
Here’s what my “village” *actually* costs (
)A List of Over 200 Black-Owned Bookstores in the United States (Awesomely Luvvie)
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Loved this. Asking is sacred work—and powerful when done out loud and on purpose. It is my focus this year. Praying that every ask you activate makes its way to the right ears and opens the right doors.
My Big Ask this week is that my school recognize my PAEMST award at our monthly all staff meeting. The news has been shared on social media and with our board, though my heart most wants this shared in-person with my teacher colleagues. My school begrudgingly acknowledged when I was a finalist, though now that I have won I want admin to recognize this accomplishment in our school community.