Good Moms take breaks

aka how I survived the baby's first overnight with the grandparents

#WednesdayWisdom

“The seeds you are sowing right now are significant in ways you have yet to realize.” ~ Morgan Harper Nichols

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Morning Musings

This past weekend, both Jeff and I left the baby overnight with family for the first time since she was born to celebrate my friend Irene’s wedding. You may recall how anxious and guilty I felt leaving her for that work conference I had earlier this year and this time was no different (granted, it gets a little easier each time).

As a quintessential millennial parent, I reached out to my peers on Twitter for advice and they did not disappoint:

“First time leaving them is genuinely really hard for most of us so it’s ok to feel weird. BUT it gets way easier the second and third time. So the initial pain is worth it! Hope you enjoy that extra sleep.” ~

Jenni Gritters

“Do the handoff and then stay out of it. They kept you alive, they’ll keep her alive. Also it’s great for babies to learn that multiple people can care for them effectively if not always in the exact same way. Use the time to get a good sleep.” ~ S. Bear Bergman

“These moments are just as good for her as they are for you! She’s safe and with people who adore her. Everyone is going to do just fine.” ~

Gloria Alamrew

“It's also good and fine if you don't miss her that much! You'll still be happy to see here when you get back, so enjoy your time away.” ~ Alex Hazlett

And they were all right. Not only did everyone survive, but we thrived! Baby girl had fun at the zoo, fed some goats and event helped her auntie bake banana muffins. Meanwhile, we got to sleep in, hang out with our friends and I actually read a book in bed with no interruptions (imagine that!).

Admittedly, it was hard to fall asleep the first night (I just felt weird without the hum of the monitor in the background) and I still woke up at Violet’s usual time the following morning, but I managed to sleep in until 9:30 the second morning. But the way she ran into my arms when we got back?! 12/10 would recommend!!

I’m especially grateful for Alex reminding me it’s okay not to miss her (although I definitely did at times). I definitely thought a Good Mom misses her kid(s) at every waking moment, but I’m coming to learn I’m simply not that kind of mom.

I had a whole life before Violet was born and I will continue to pour into my social cup (with the comfort of knowing she’s in good hands). We owe it to ourselves to take breaks, not so that we can come back ready to do more work but so that we can be our fullest and most content selves. To borrow from Oprah, what I know for sure 20 months into this parenthood journey is that Good Moms take breaks and we’re all the better for it.

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ICYMI

I was recently featured on the Reframeables Podcast with

Rebecca Davey

and

Natalie Davey

and discussed all things reframing perfectionism…

Reframing Perfectionism with L’Oreal Thompson Payton

I was talked to Her Agenda about writing, celebrating your achievements and silencing your inner critic.

And last, but certainly not least, I chatted with fellow author Rainesford Stauffer and Chicago-based therapist Dr. Adia Gooden about the impact ambition can have on our mental health.

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Links I Love

1. Black Women Are Being Erased in Book Publishing (Electric Lit)

2. Just Eat The Damn Cake: Capitalism, Red Velvet, and a Black Holiday (

   A Retired Hot Girl
   )

3. What’s Behind Black Women’s Excessive Rate of Fibroids? (Vox)

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My Latest Obsession

I hate to admit it, but…I’m a sucker for Instagram marketing. I saw an ad for Iris & Romeo’s Weekend Skin while mindlessly scrolling one day and then I kept getting it. When I saw a Black girl I know and trust recommend it on IG (because you know not everything is for our skin), I had to have it and I’ve been in love ever since.

This product combines SPF with vitamin C AND doubles as makeup primer. I bought the new Warm Glow shade because summer and I love low-effort sun-kissed look. Save $15 by using this link.

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Now Hiring

1. Executive Director for The Evanston History Center

2. Manager of Marketing & Communications for YW Boston

3. Communications Specialist for The Martin Luther King Jr. Freedom Center

4. Development Director for Critical Exposure

5. Program Associate for The Field Foundation of Illinois

6. Director of Communications and Marketing for FreeForm

7. Content Manager for Taproot Earth

8. Chief External Affairs Officer for Girl Scouts of Greater Chicago & Northwest Indiana

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Thank You

A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily and Mabinty for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!

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