#WednesdayWisdom
“I am a feminist, and what that means to me is much the same as the meaning of the fact that I am Black; it means that I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.” ~ June Jordan
Morning Musings
First Beyoncé. Then Angela Bassett. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of these award shows playing in the faces of Black women. I’ve ranted about it before and I will likely rant about it again, because this isn’t the first or even the second time Black women have delivered performances of a lifetime only to get snubbed.
It’s a pattern I’m all to familiar with in my own career as well—work my ass off, surpass every goal (and then some) and still overlooked, overworked and underpaid. It is infuriating. It is demoralizing. And it is often deflating. And still we rise.
I know Beyoncé and Angela don’t need the external validation from their peers, but to be constantly denied is ridiculous and yet it’s almost laughable at this point because we know what to expect. It’s a clear slap in the face because as I’ve written before, it’s as though no matter what we do and no matter how hard we work, it will never be enough for them.
What was different this time around is our favorite auntie didn’t play into the respectability politics this time around when she lost Best Supporting Actress to Jamie Lee Curtis. She did not force a smile on her face and pretend to be a gracious loser. She allowed herself to be (presumably) disappointed. She granted herself the humanity that the world so often seeks to rob from Black women, who are expected to be “on” at all times.
Do you know what that does to your psyche? The mental (and physical) toll that is required to always be gracious in the face of bullshit? As someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and her emotions on her face, I applaud Angela Bassett for not doing what was expected and giving Black women everywhere permission to just be.
Writer Ineye Komonibo said it best in this article for Refinery 29:
We know that society holds us to the highest standards while simultaneously leaving us no margin for error. Misogynoir demands that we always be the best and brightest in every room — the most talented, the most put together, the friendliest — but it also intentionally strips us of our humanity in the process. The emotions of Black women are rarely respected or taken into consideration within these spaces. Having a bad day at work and being quieter than usual? People take issue with it and single you out. Standing up for yourself in an unfair situation? You’re quick to be labeled “aggressive” or “intimidating.” Even when you’re on the opposite end of the emotional spectrum, happily doing your thing and feeling yourself á la Beyoncé, it’s a problem.
Angela Bassett—and for that matter, every Black woman you know—doesn’t owe you a damn thing. Not a smile. Not our grace or our gratitude. And for damn sure not our happiness.
Upcoming Events
March 18 (SOLD OUT): My belated Galentine’s Day Pole Party at Fly Club in Chicago. I can’t wait to dance and let loose with y’all!
March 19: Inner Workout Virtual Book Launch. I’m so excited to be moderating the virtual launch for my friend
’s book, Inner Workout. Be sure to preorder your copy and register to join us for what is sure to be a lively conversation!
ICMYI
I did a little armchair traveling in my latest for Fortune where I round up some of the best family-friendly resorts and I learned why Daylight Saving Time may actually be bad for your health.
Links I Love
Opinion: The ‘soft girl era’ is sweeping social media, but the idea of a soft life for Black women isn’t new (Washington Post)
Learning to Become a Better Grandfather (New York Times)
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Preorder Stop Waiting for Perfect
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Thank You
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