that time I had a mini-meltdown at Target
because being an entrepreneur is hard and meltdowns aren't just for toddlers
#WednesdayWisdom
“And it was there, when the leaves were gone, you started noticing more branches and also more roots. You started to remember: There’s more beneath the surface…and there is also more to you…” ~ Morgan Harper Nichols
Morning Musings
Last Friday I was living the millennial suburban mom dream at Target—a Starbucks in one hand, pushing my cart with the other after daycare drop-off. I noticed the perfume section at the front of the store and was eager to see if they had this new brand my friend Aisha had mentioned. I’m running out of my favorite scent (Jo Malone’s Myrrh & Tonka) and thought the Sweet On the Outside scent from Fine’ry would be a nice (read: cheaper) alternative.
I placed it in my cart and went about my business, collecting a few candles and accessories along with way (in addition to the items I actually came there for, such as more snacks and Christmas dresses for V).
Well, as I started paying closer attention to the price tags (and my dwindling checking account), I started to panic. The two dresses I was eyeing equaled the cost of the perfume. Now, in the Before Times (aka back when I had a near six-figure 9-to-5 and biweekly direct deposit), I wouldn’t have thought twice about buying it all. But now, mama needs to make DECISIONS.
Of course I put the perfume back (and the candle, and the headband, and the eyebrow serum). This is part of parenting, right? Putting your child’s needs above your own (though it’s debatable whether a toddler really *needs* a Christmas dress, just stick with me on this one) is part of the package.
But in that moment I felt a lot of shame, embarrassment and anxiety. After all, I’d gone to Target with the intention of getting a more affordable perfume than the one I had at home and now you mean to tell me I can’t even afford that?! This is all hyberbolic, of course. There are far more important things going on in the world besides perfume. I also recognize this is all extremely privileged to even complain about in the first place. And…my emotions are valid. My fear is valid. My anxiety is valid and very, very real.
And so is yours. A friend of mine recently downplayed her own fears and anxieties, depression and exhaustion with talk of “I know I should be grateful…” and in true 2009 Kanye form I interrupted her and told her to stop “should’ing” on herself. It’s a phrase I picked up from fellow author and podcaster Elayne Fluker and borrowed in Stop Waiting for Perfect.
Two things can be true at once. You can feel like shit AND still be grateful for everything you have. It’s not an either or. One feeling does not negate the other.
As I cried in our garage after daycare pickup for the second time that week, Jeff kindly reminded me I’m still new-ish to this full-time freelancing biz. Even though I’ve been technically freelancing for going on 16 years; filed my LLC back in 2021 and spent about six-ish months full-time freelancing last year, this is my first real honest go at it—building systems; expanding my brand; offering new services and launching courses, etc.
Of course there’s going to be a learning curve. Of course there are going to be tears. Of course there are going to be times when I have to decide between perfume and two dresses for the baby. And that’s okay. It will get easier. I will get better. And, if push comes to shove, I can always get another full-time job. But I have to at least try. I have to at least give myself (and my business) a fighting chance. I have to bet on me. Maybe it’s time you do the same.
Best of Chicago Voting Starts Today!
My friends, we made it to the voting round of Chicago Reader’s Best of Chicago. EEEKKK! Obviously it’s an honor to be nominated and I’mma be real with y’all, I want to win this thing. Help me add award-winning writer to my bio by voting for me in the best nonfiction writer and best new nonfiction book categories. You can find both categories in the Arts & Culture section. Voting opens at 12 p.m. CT/1 p.m. ET. Thank you in advance for your support!
Links I Love
Being Black and pregnant in the Deep South can be a dangerous combination (The 19th): The entire pregnancy in post-Roe America package is brilliant journalism, but this one especially caught my attention.
Who’s behind the CTA holiday train? Santa and the elves, of course. (WBEZ): We took Violet to ride the holiday train for the first time this year and it was so fun to see this Chicago tradition through her eyes.
How the keffiyeh became a symbol of the Palestinian cause (Vox): As a kid, I remember images of Yasser Arafat wearing a keffiyeh, but I didn’t know much about the history and symbolism of the popular scarf until reading this.
Now Hiring
Barista + Bookish Admin at Cafe con Libros
Director of Development at Arise Chicago
Editorial Director, News at theSkimm
Director of Narrative Strategy for The Chisholm Legacy Project
Senior Editor at HarperOne
Coalition Manager for Made By Us
Stop Waiting for Perfect Makes the Perfect Gift!
Thank You
A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie, Dominique, Tiffany, Emily, Mabinty, Lindsey, Casey, Lynnae, Dani, Amanda, Raina, Abigail and Sharon for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!
Thanks as always L'Oreal for the inspiring words. A professional opportunity landed in my inbox this week that I was not expecting, and though I have doubts I am qualified, I am going to go for it. As you brilliantly said, I am going to bet on me.
Friend, you are a brave and strong soul! Transitions are hard, and you are tough! Billions of people have taken the easier route and not bet on themselves - there isn't a how-to book for this and "figuring it out" is a major rollercoaster. You are amazing! And I hope that perfume finds its way to your stocking!!