the best three words you can say to a mom (or anyone, really)

the sweetest words I've ever heard...

Wednesday Wisdom

“Say it with me: I am open and willing to receive goodness and joy without second guessing.” ~ Alex Elle

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Morning Musings

Photo by mostafa mahmoudi on Unsplash

Last week, I was running late, per usual. In the Before Times (B.V. Before Violet, if you will), I was always on time to EVERYTHING! My dad drilled into me and my younger sister at a young age that “to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late and to be late is unacceptable.”

Very much a softer version of the infamous “work twice as hard” speech Papa Pope gave Olivia, but without the yelling and sleeping with the president part. Rather, my father’s advice was more so in the vein of combating the stereotype that Black people are always late. Ya know, C.P. time (IYKYK).

And that was all well and good until…I became a parent. Nowadays, if we make it somewhere with Violet 15 minutes late, that is a GOOD day. For her two-year wellness visit, we were so late that we had to come back the next day. Which is fair. But also, how come we can wait all day for the doctor and they can’t wait 15 minutes for us?! Because being the goody two-shoes that I am, I did, in fact, call the office to notify them we were running late. Nevertheless, I persisted…

So, like I was saying…last week I was running late and I can’t even blame Violet. I had a packed morning (daycare drop-off, IVF appointment and brunch with a mom friend and her adorable baby). Thanks to traffic and, well, underestimating the time it would realistically take to get home, I was 15 minutes late to my next appointment: a virtual coffee date with a college friend and fellow working mom.

Again, being the proactive person that I am, I texted my friend from the car (handsfree, I don’t play about texting and driving. Shoutout to Apple CarPlay!) and our conversation went something like this:

When I rounded the corner to get to our garage, I noticed the garbage truck was right where I needed to be. After waiting for the workers to finish collecting the trash and finally parking, I realized I *really* had to pee. Typically, I would hold it for the duration of the call and go to the bathroom afterward for fear of inconveniencing the other person. But, I knew Michellene meant it when she said “take your time,” so I did. I felt safe. I trusted her and I knew she wouldn’t judge me for running a bit behind schedule (this after I accidentally scheduled our previous call over another event I was hosting and had to reschedule…after 13 years of living in Chicago, timezones still mess me up 🤦🏾‍♀️).

I’ve long believed that the phrase “take your time” is simply THEE best three words you can say to a mom (or anyone, really)…along with: “I got this” and, of course, “I love you.” In our frantic society, it is not uncommon to find ourselves rushing from obligation to the next. And, I would venture to say, as women we’re even more conditioned to put other people’s needs above our own out of fear of being seen as difficult.

I also suspect that these words hit different for moms because we’re often juggling a LOT—demanding workloads, not to mention the mental/emotional load of oftentimes being the primary or default caregiver no matter how feminist and equitable our partners (if we have them) are. Our larger society is still very much operating as a white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, which makes it hard to control and account for oh, I don’t know…life?!

If IVF has taught me anything (and believe me, it has taught me a LOT), it’s just how much is out of my control…which makes the moments where I advocate for myself and my needs—where I truly do take my time—even more special.

I’m grateful for the mom friends like Michellene and the good humans who *get it.* Telling someone—anyone—but especially a mom to take their time in a hurried world is such a gift…a gift that I encourage you to also take yourself.

So the next time you need to pee before a meeting, you’re running a few minutes late or you just need a moment to BREATHE, I invite you to take your time (but, ya know, communicate that to the person waiting for you…we’re all about respect and open/honest communication over here). In a world where we’re constantly giving, consider this your friendly reminder remember that it’s okay to take, too. After all, self-care is not selfish. 💜

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Bloom & Breathe: A Gentle Yoga & Meditation Gathering

International Women’s Day is about honoring our strength, our softness, and our stories. And what better way to celebrate than by giving ourselves the gift of rest and reflection?

Join me and bestselling author Oludara Adeeyo on Saturday, March 8 for Bloom & Breathe, a virtual retreat designed to help you slow down, breathe deep, and reconnect with yourself.

✨ 45-minute gentle yoga flow (led by me!)

✨ 30-minute meditation & journaling session inspired by Oludara’s books, Meditations for Black Women and Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal.

✨ A portion of proceeds benefits The Loveland Foundation

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On the Podcast

This month’s episode of the Werking Moms Club Podcast is one I desperately needed—and I know you do, too.

I sat down with Octavia Raheem, rest coach, restorative yoga teacher, and author of Rest is Sacred, to talk about why rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a birthright. She shares her own wake-up call, how she shifted her mindset around rest, and small, practical ways we can all start prioritizing ourselves.

If you’ve been feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or straight-up done, this episode is your reminder to pause, breathe, and reclaim your rest.

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What I’m Reading

• Rihanna Is the People’s Pop Star (Harper’s Bazaar)

• ‘Reading is part of my identity’: the woman taking on Goodreads owner Amazon (The Guardian)

• The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025 (Wondermind)

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