The Part of My Self-Care Plan I Forgot
Spoiler alert: It wasn’t sunscreen. It was space for my creativity to breathe.
Wednesday Wisdom
“May you feel seen, held, supported, and blessed beyond what you even know to ask for.” ~ Lalah Delia
Morning Musings
I’m baaack! And apparently I can’t read a calendar, because what I meant to say in my last newsletter is that I would be back today, Wednesday, May 14, not last Wednesday, May 7. But here we are…several days back into post-vacation catch-up mode.
To make a long story short, my self-care plan worked really well. There were no blow-ups to speak of and overall, I felt at peace and at ease. However, after reflecting a bit since my return, I realized one quintessential element was missing.
As it turns out, rest and boundaries were only part of the story. In a house full of 13 people (including one extremely vivacious toddler), I pushed through the guilt and found time nearly every day to meditate and move my body (as well as catch up on Real Housewives of Atlanta with my sister). And there was loads of fun family time: impromptu pool parties; walk on the beach; outings for ice cream. But even with all of that, I returned home feeling…not quite full.
For starters, as I’ve mentioned before, a vacation with a toddler isn’t quite a vacation. It’s more of a family trip, if you will: transporting chaos from your home base across state (or sometimes country) borders. Toddlers notoriously cannot tell time, so there is no such thing as “sleeping in.” They also have no real concept of vacation seeing as how nearly every day of their unbridled existence is something of a vacation. And I love that for them. Even if it means a little less rest for me.
Granted, Jeff and I had no problem schelping her off to the grandparents in the morning to watch Paw Patrol so we could sleep in (thank you, Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop) or leaving her with Auntie and Pop-Pop to visit the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. But still, I felt guilty. I worried about being a burden for asking family members to watch Violet even though I knew they had no problem doing so.
As much as I preach about the benefits of asking for help, I still struggle to do so, especially when it comes to caring for my child, who I know can sometimes be a handful (as toddlers are wont to be). And since I had asked for that time for people to watch her—whether I was practicing self-care or, in one case, attending a final interview for a journalism role I really, really want—I didn’t feel as though I could ask for additional time to write (even though I’d brought notes for my infertility memoir with me).
I realized I had planned for peace, but not for purpose. And as a creative, I need both
Sure, I got in a few days of journaling (which is more than I can say for regular, non-vacation weeks). But book writing? No. I even (intentionally) took a break from this newsletter, but realized afterward that maybe I could’ve benefitted from some creative writing time.
In talking to Jeff our last night at the beach house, I had the following revelation: Self-care sustains me. But creativity restores me. And during our next vacation (whenever that may be), as well as my everyday life, I need to carve out time for both.
In the same way, I encourage you to think about your own creative needs. What would it look like to make space for your creativity—not just your rest? Hit “reply” or let me know in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you! 💜
ICYMI
Upcoming Events
May 17: I’m beyond ecstatic to be the keynote speaker at CityPoint Community Church’s Ladies First Women’s Summit. This year, we’re embracing what it means to be radically well and unapologetically whole—physically strong, spiritually and emotionally grounded, and professionally empowered. Come ready to be poured into, celebrated, and challenged to be unapologetically whole—not out of selfishness, but out of purpose.
Links I Love: Cowboy Carter Tour Edition
I’m going to see Beyoncé (!) for the sixth time (!!) tomorrow (!!!) for the COWBOY CARTER tour and I could not be more excited. In preparation, I’ve been reading the following commentary from fellow Substackers,
of and of . As well as this glowing review from The New York Times.
What I’m Reading
At a recent coffee date with (mom) friend Nicole L., she shared several reading recommendations, one of which was Wahala, a story about four Anglo-Nigerian friends, by Nikki May. And BABYYY!! I couldn’t put it down and finished it within the first few days of vacation. Y’all know I’m a sucker for storylines featuring female friendship and this one did NOT disappoint!
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It can be hard to ask family to watch your kids, but those are your villagers — your community. And I know they enjoy the time with your child.
Sometimes I ask hubs to keep the kids out of my sewing area for a certain chunk of time so I can create in peace. Every time I go in that space, the kids and even the dog slowly drift there too and then I'm stepping over and around folks trying to think about pattern pieces and what not.