the problem with those blue bracelets
Always remember that actions speak louder than accessories.
Wednesday Wisdom
“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” ~ Audre Lorde
Morning Musings
In the summer of 2020, I was working on the marketing team of a national nonprofit when the question was posed about whether we should post a black square on Instagram.
You might recall that summer being dubbed the summer of “racial reckoning” following the murder of George Floyd. And marketing teams all over were wondering, “What should we do? What should we say? What should we post?” I’m not sure who came up with the black square idea, but it took off like wildfire among the “woke & white.”
As the only Black girl on the team (and someone who is chronically online), I strongly advised against posting a black square. “It doesn’t actually do anything, or mean anything,” I argued. And I was overruled. I called out Black for the remainder of the day.
As I predicted, the backlash quickly followed. But I’d also decided it wasn’t my problem. I tried to warn them. Sound familiar?
When I recently came across “The White Guilt Starter Kit” on Instagram, I literally laughed out loud. Because that’s exactly what these performative accessories are. And there they were in all their glory: the “safety” pin, the pink pussy hat, the black square and now, the blue bracelet.
For those of you who aren’t chronically online, the blue friendship bracelet is the latest accessory white women have come up with to show they’re “one of the good ones.” That they’re not part of the 53% of white women who voted for Donald Trump. The bracelet is supposed to act as a symbol to people from marginalized communities that they’re safe to be around.
But you know what’s better than going to Micheal’s and buying blue yarn? Actually doing the work, Barbara. Do. The damn. Work! That’s all we’re asking for. Not bracelets, not safety pins, not hats and for damn sure not black squares.
Unless I know you personally, and I know your values and who you voted for in 2016, 2020 AND 2024, then I don’t trust you, simple as that. And no amount of blue bracelets is going to change that.
Why? Because anyone can wear a bracelet. Anyone can attempt to demonstrate that they’re a good person. But, as this woman said so eloquently, actions speak louder than accessories.
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And also, don’t feel the need to sing your own praises about said actions. You don’t get credit for being a decent human being. That is the bare minimum we should all be striving toward.
You know that Bible verse that says don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing? Same logic applies here. If you’re doing the work—and I mean, actually doing the work—there is no need to sing it from the rooftops or all over Beyoncé’s Internet. Be like Nike and just do it.
Don’t look for credit. Don’t look for recognition or reward. Don’t look to Black women to applaud you for being one of the good ones.
Gather the other 53% of y’all who didn’t get the memo. Talk to your friends, your coworkers, your mom chat, Becky in the carpool line. Talk to your husbands, your pastors, the soccer coach, the crossing guard. Talk to everyone until you’re blue in the face (pun intended), just don’t talk to me. I’m part of the 92% who understood the assignment AND did the extra credit.
It reminds me of the interaction between the main characters in Rebecca, Not Becky, which I highly recommend. The white mom, Rebecca, so desperately wants to be seen as a Good White Woman so she does all the things she thinks she’s supposed to do—she reads the books (well, she buys them), she starts the DEI group at school, she also posted a black square. When she meets De’Andrea, a new Black mom at the school (aka the only Black mom at the school), she looks to her for guidance about what she should do.
But here’s the thing: Black women are not here to save you or praise you. And if find yourself looking for kudos for the work you’re doing, then you’re probably doing it for the wrong reasons.
Help a Mama Out!
Sooo…I’m launching a new podcast and community early next year called Werking Moms Club. More info to follow, but for now I’d love to get your input if you identify as a working mom. And, for the record, every mom is a working mom…whether you get paid for your labor is a different story. If you’re not a mom, feel free to share the survey with the moms in your network. Thank you in advance and I’m excited to build this with you all!
ICYMI
In my latest for Romper, I talked to several boy moms to get their post-election thoughts and concerns for their sons. Read more about what they had to say here.
Also, my advice column is now live! Be sure to check it out and submit any questions you may have…
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What I’m Reading
It’s Time For Black Women to Be Selfish (Teen Vogue)
Rest as Resistance (YES! Magazine)
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Thanks for the “educate me” lesson. Blue bracelets are new to me. Always learning.
Virtue signaling - in my opinion - does more harm than good