permission to be *too much*

what permission slip do you need to write for yourself?

Wednesday Wisdom

“You are allowed to do things differently now. You are allowed to learn from where you’ve been, let go where you need to let go, take action where you need to take action, breathe where you need to breathe, and approach each day with thoroughness and wholeheartedness in pursuit of what could be.” ~

Morgan Harper Nichols

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Morning Musings

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Earlier this week, I reached an “aha moment” in my newfound effort of making the main thing The Main Thing. For those of you who don’t know (or don’t remember, which is fair, because life…amirite?), last month I attended a business retreat where this refrain (make the main thing The Main Thing, or MTMTTMT for short-ish) became more of a motto, mantra and mission statement for me and some of the other lovely women entrepreneurs who were on the trip. I also tested positive for COVID while on said retreat, but that’s neither here nor there.

A tale of two tests

One of my (many) character flaws is that I’m quite literal. Just ask my husband and my sister…I do not respond to sarcasm very well. So naturally, I took MTMTTMT to heart as well. I know with every fiber in my being that writing is my Main Thing. But to what end? To help women, especially Black women, feel less alone and inspire them to achieve their goals—without burning out. So there’s an element of wellness to it, too. After all, I am a certified yoga and meditation instructor and staunch mental health and reproductive health advocate.

So, writing & wellness. With Black women at the center. But now that’s two main things? Am I allowed to have two main things?

Something my therapist often has to remind me of as I’m a baby full-time entrepreneur is I’m the boss, I make the rules. Nevertheless, I am a first-born daughter with Type-A tendencies, so forgive me for being slow to the whole “make my own rules” rule. There was (is?) also this underlying fear of being too much.

Now, we all know I do too much, as Amanda (aka ChatGPT) told me recently:

sick and tired of being sick and tired (both literally and figuratively)

But being too much. Well, that’s a whole different ballgame. Too much. If I’m being honest with myself, I’m afraid to admit I’ve always been too much.

I talked too much during our family trip to Universal Studios on the Jurassic Park ride (so much so that my dad, while filming with his camcorder, instructed me to be quiet). I was deemed “too ambitious” by some (well-meaning?) white women managers who I now suspect probably saw me as a threat. As a young Black girl, I should’ve been content with the positions I was in, at the tables where I was seated. Who was I to want—no, demand—more?

And there it was: Who does she think she is? Who do I think I am?

Who am I to start a multimedia platform for moms? Who am I to launch a virtual writing community?

In a voice note to my group coaching cohort (a mini-mastermind composed of five us from the retreat), I shared my concerns and fears. I was afraid of being seen as too much. Then my business coach,

Jenni Gritters

, posed a question:

What permission slip do you need to write for yourself in this season? It doesn’t matter what they say—the safety comes from what you believe.

Immediately, I started rattling off the following and I’ve since added a few more:

permission to do the most

permission to experiment and reiterate

permission to pivot

permission to HAVE FUN!

permission to try new things

permission to do it imperfectly

permission to pause

permission to take it slow

permission to change my mind

permission to take a break

permission to not give a f*ck and

permission to f*ck sh*t up (pardon my French)

To which Jenni responded with a suggestion to think about these permission slips as agreements you’re making with yourself. “Writing your own rulebook.” She went on to say:

External success = Do they like me? Do they approve?

Internal success = I love what I’ doing and am so solidly in my passion/vision for this that I cannot drop into that scramble energy. I am solid and I trust myself.

A whole word.

Later that evening, I thought to myself: if Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carters can announce a tour, drop a perfume and a collab with Levi’s within about 36 hours of each other (I may or may not be exaggerating here). Than surely I can also do multiple (meaningful) things. We are multifaceted beings and limiting myself to being “just” a writer (as much as I want to be, just a writer) isn’t always black and white. I’m learning how to exist in the gray area. I’m learning how to trust myself and my instincts.

So here I am standing (well, sitting) before you giving myself permission to do more than one thing because they share the same mission: to uplift and inspire Black women. And now I’ll ask you what Jenni asked me: What permission slip do you need to write for yourself in this season? If you’re feeling especially brave, feel free to let me know in the comments or hit “reply” and share.

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#AskLT: How Do I Write a Book?

After a brief hiatus, my advice column is back!! In this month’s issue, I answer a reader question (well, her boyfriend’s question) about how to go about publishing a book. TL;DR: it depends!

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Bloom & Breathe: A Gentle Yoga & Meditation Gathering

International Women’s Day is about honoring our strength, our softness, and our stories. And what better way to celebrate than by giving ourselves the gift of rest and reflection?

Join me and bestselling author Oludara Adeeyo this Saturday, March 8 for Bloom & Breathe, a virtual retreat designed to help you slow down, breathe deep, and reconnect with yourself.

✨ 45-minute gentle yoga flow (led by me!)

✨ 30-minute meditation & journaling session inspired by Oludara’s books, Meditations for Black Women and Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal.

✨ A portion of proceeds benefits The Loveland Foundation

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What I’m Reading

• My Love-Hate Relationship with Lovevery (Romper)

• the grief of the last meal (the dead zine.)

• How I'm using Study Hall to build confidence (Thank You For Being Here)

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Now Hiring

1. Marketing Manager for the Museum of Pop Culture

2. Part-time Project Coordinator for The Black & Brown Collective

3. Corporate Communications Manager for Headspace

4. Ice Cream Social Mission Director for Ben & Jerry’s

5. Senior Community Relations Coordinator for Bath & Body Works

6. Education & Programs Manager for The National Alliance of Melanin Disabled Advocates

7. Editorial Operations Manager at mindbodygreen

8. Internal Communications Specialist at Disney

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