you're doing great, mama
in case no one told you today...
#WednesdayWisdom
“Focus on creating and let others do the consuming. The more you consume your work, the more you risk getting caught up in self-doubt and perfectionism. Let your creativity flow freely without judgment and trust that your work will speak for itself.” ~ @sa.liine
Morning Musings
This past weekend Jeff was out of town on a guys’ golf trip, so Violet and I had ourselves a nice little girls’ weekend. The last time this happened when she was about 10 months old I panicked. It was the first time I’d been alone with her for a full weekend and my anxiety was through the roof. Thankfully, my friend Marissa joined us for a sleepover and we had a fun girls’ weekend the three of us. This time, eight months later I felt confident enough to manage on my own, but not without a host of activities to keep us busy, which I’ll get to later.
On Friday, I wanted to go to happy hour (it’d been a week, okay?!), but couldn’t find anyone to join us, so I strapped V into her stroller, popped in my AirPods and we made our way to one of the few Mexican restaurants in town. Apparently everyone else had the same idea because it was Cinco de Mayo, so we had to wait a while and I was worried that Violet would get antsy, but she was having the time of her life—especially because our table faced the Metra and she could watch the trains come and go while practicing her new favorite word, “beep, beep!” (We’re still working on “choo choo.”)
On her way to the bathroom with her older kid, a more experienced mom stopped to tell me, “You’re doing great,” and honestly it meant the world to me. Eight months ago I would not have been brave enough to venture out to a restaurant by myself with a soon-to-be toddler. But last Friday we did just fine and I found myself having fun as well.
The next day we went to the Mommy & Me yoga meetup I was hosting with my friend and fellow yoga teacher, Nia. I didn’t really have an idea of what to expect (V only recently has started trying to do yoga with me), but it was quite comical seeing all the babies run around while we were trying to find our balance in Warrior 2.
Nia assured us she had an eye on the kiddos and invited us to really settle in, to close our eyes and relish this moment—however fleeting—of self-care. And it felt really good. It was also a reminder to literally go with the flow. You’ve got a toddler sitting on you during savasana? That’s yoga. Three-month-old needed to a bottle while you’re in easy pose sukhasana? That’s still yoga. It’s all yoga as I mention later on in this newsletter.
Afterward, I helped a friend get her baby set up in her car for the ride home. Before she departed, I gave her a hug and told her, “You’re doing great, mama.” It felt both right and necessary for me to pass that on.
As moms, we don’t hear that enough. As I wrote about in a previous newsletter, it can often feel like we’re not doing any of our roles particularly well. But you are. And you’re enough, just as you are.
In eight months, I’ve learned that parenting doesn’t necessarily get easier, it just gets different. It becomes more manageable in some ways and it becomes harder in others. What has grown is my confidence, but there are still moments where I doubt myself and I suspect that I always will. Until V can give me some solicited feedback, I’m just kind of going off vibes here and hoping for the best.
But it was reassuring to have a stranger tell me, so I’m telling you…you’re doing great. Even when you don’t think you are. Even when you’re second-guessing everything. Even when you don’t feel like you’re best. You’re doing great, and that is enough.
Editor’s Note: I’m on vacation next week (though what is vacation with a toddler, really?) so there won’t be a newsletter. I’ll be back in your inbox on May 24!
On the Podcast
This month I interviewed Nathalie Walton, vice president of brand and social impact at Babylist. She’s also the former CEO and co-founder of Expectful, a holistic wellness app for hopeful, expecting, and new moms. We’re talking about all things maternal mental health in honor of Mother’s Day and Mental Health Awareness Month.
ICYMI
Stop Waiting for Perfect was featured in Ama La Vida’s newsletter. Stay tuned for our collab (plus more book events) coming this August!
Also I was featured on the Triggered AF podcast talking about the connection between procrastination and perfection; how to release our need to be perfect and the importance of rest. Tune in here.
Lastly, new mammogram guidelines are in! I recently had my first one and I have to admit it wasn’t as painful as I thought it’d be. Learn more about the change in my latest for Fortune.
Links I Love
The real history of Queen Charlotte, and the problem with Netflix’s Bridgerton spinoff (Vox)
My taste is basic. So what? (Harper’s Bazaar)
I finally got my IVF baby, so what right did I have to be depressed? (Romper)
My Latest Obsession
I started listening to Jessamyn Stanley’s Yoke on the way home from the Mommy & Me Yoga Meetup (and as I was driving around while Violet finished out her nap). It felt fitting since Stanley’s first book, Every Body Yoga, was an essential text for me during my 200-hour yoga teacher training the summer of 2020. I love Yoke as a reminder that yoga is about so much more than the postures. Breathing is yoga. Living is yoga. It’s all yoga. It’s all worthy.
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Thank You
A special thank-you to April, Cait, Amanda, Harleen, Megan, Najja, Jessica, Priti, Cat, Jenna, Mallory, Rachel, Angel, Sarah, Camesha, Vix, Anna, Stephanie and Dominique for becoming paid subscribers and helping to fuel this newsletter. I truly appreciate your support!
Thank you for sharing the power of the “you’re doing great, mama” sentiment. It is such a helpful statement, when made authentically. We could use a whole extra bundle of them each! 👏🏼
We Stan L’Oréal! I can’t wait to get my hands on your book!